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Who did you liken yourself to?


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I likened myself to Fat Ronaldo or Michael Owen or Dennis Berkgamp when I was young and played as a striker - but my friends said I was more like Emile Heskey.

 

Recently, I liken myself to Xabi Alonso in midfield but my friends say I'm more like Lucas.

 

In defence I liken myself to Glen Johnson but my friends say I'm more like Patrice Evra.

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In the street and primary school playground I was Dalglish. Sure, we didn't have positions and I was quite often playing against my obese toddler brother in goal or rebounds but I WAS Dalglish. Except for the times I'd be playing alone against the garage and I'd shout out various Brazilian legends as if I had South-American Tourettes.

 

My happiest footballing memories came from about 11 to 14 when I was lumped in with the B squad in games. The good kids went off to play on the all-weather pitch and I was lumped in with the fat, mentally slow, unsporting or disabled kids (unfairly... honest). Me and Tariq Siddique were amazing up front together - we'd score hundreds each every season. Looking back I guess that wasn't massively impressive with TIMMAY! in goal. I'd love to say I was still in my Dalglish phase but the Paul Walsh comment above has made me re-evaluate.

 

Then from about 14 onwards, when I actually got into the school team, I realised I was more Molby-esque and I was quite happy with this as it gave me an excuse to not run. Sadly I usually played left-wing (despite being right-footed - the school coach must have been called Roy) and this approach didn't work.

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Grobbelaar/Clemence (from his book Clemence on Goalkeeping), then when I accepted that I was too small for goal at the time it was a vague Dalglish influence, and nowadays I'm another one whose latter-day five-a-side self-image is Xabi Alonso. In the odd eleven-a-side games we have, where I always play on the f*cking wing, I strive to be as honest as Tony Núñez.

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Grobbelaar/Clemence (from his book Clemence on Goalkeeping), then when I accepted that I was too small for goal at the time it was a vague Dalglish influence, and nowadays I'm another one whose latter-day five-a-side self-image is Xabi Alonso. In the odd eleven-a-side games we have, where I always play on the f*cking wing, I strive to be as honest as Tony Núñez.

Same as me, though I stayed as a keeper, I was tall and fat.

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When you played football. No matter how delusional you were about it.

 

I'd have to say Norman Hunter for me. I was a dirty c*nt with no talent.

I still play and am likened to Sami Hyppia however it's the oil tanker turning rather than the fantastic aerial ability.

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Fancied myself as an expert free kick taker for my school team/street games, so would run about 10 yards up to the ball and in my mind swerve it around a wall whilst shouting out in my best David Coleman voice, "Bonhoff". Alway loved the Allan Clarke salute after scoring.

 

From Liverpool, always was Dalglish!

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