Dirk Kuyt issued his latest come and get me plea to Newcastle last night: "I only want to play for the toon. I know so many other clubs want me, but my heart is set on Newcastle. They are a club close to my heart. I understand where the fans are coming from. We both understand failure and rejection. Mr Roeder told me that I am so ugly that girls run a mile from me and they are so useless that cups grow legs to get away from them. We can console each other. We both know disappointment, for shure". "I love the tradition of the club. They believe in continuity. Their colours are black and white and the manager assured me that that is because televisions were as well the last time they won a trophy. They have such strong links to the past and never forget where they came from. In fact under Mr. Shepherd they will probably get back there quite soon. I have spoken to the chairman and he was very impressive. He told me about the great history of the club and played me some recordings of radio broadcasts of their recent triumphs. I know I will need to work on my English a little as I got confused between "Wor Jackie lifts the cup for Newcastle" and "War has been declared" but Mr Shepherd told me not to worry as they happened around the same time and the recordings were very crackly". "I come from European football, so joining Newcastle would be a nice break from that for me. If I had to join a club like Liverpool that has won everything at least five times I would have to accept it alrthough my heart is with Newcastle. I am just hoping that Mr Shepherd will bid three times my market value and thus ensure that Feyenoord sell me only to the club of my dreams".