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"Allardyce" Twitter feed

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Swipe, I hope you've listened to Sam's press conference ahead of their game. Almost gushing. United are so good, other teams score own goals in panic.

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Recorded my afternoon w*** on the camcorder. Gonna give the tape to the wife for her birthday, along with a tenner. She's in for a treat

 

lol

 

:lol:

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Im seriously considering registering on twitter to read these updates. Excellent stuff Mr Swipe.

 

I have done exactly that. Most consistently funny thing I have read for a long time.. :applause:

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Its like Jay's mum meant nothing to you all

 

Start a Twitter account, then you'll be properly appreciated.

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Its like Jay's mum meant nothing to you all

 

 

Face it, lad. She didn't even get a shout in the Wirral Globe as of yet, never mind The Guardian.

 

Buck up and crack on.

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I was crying laughing at the My Mum's Cola rweets on Friday night. Literally crying.

 

My wife didn't think they were funny at all, though.

 

Swipe, how recently did you take over the Allardyce ones? I went through them at the weekend and could notice a change in tone at a certain point.

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I was crying laughing at the My Mum's Cola rweets on Friday night. Literally crying.

 

My wife didn't think they were funny at all, though.

 

Swipe, how recently did you take over the Allardyce ones? I went through them at the weekend and could notice a change in tone at a certain point.

 

Was looking at My Mum's Cola's excursions to the swimming pool earlier!!

 

I did them from the start mate - but a friend also chipped in with a few. So any shift in tone is purely coincidental as i've always been doing them.

 

I'd say i did about 90% of them even when he was involved.

 

This example below is one of my mates. A guideline to the ones i didn't do is the grammar he used. He never puts a space after a full stop and uses loads of exclamation marks - which i don't like. He also referenced Blackburn players more than i did.

 

His grammar was one of the reasons I decided it would be better if i did them all on my own!

 

This was one of his:

 

Owen Coyles at my front door.He looks mad.I'm not answering it!Seems that tool Gamst crumbled when Coyle interrogated him!t***.

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the one about his wife pissing on a child's potty is the funniest IMO

 

That's mine!

 

Mine were always the most absurd and ridiculous!

 

I'm quite fond of the series of tweets where he gets into a fight with an owl..

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I cannot tell a lie, I passed something like this one off as my own on saturday night, I might even have riffed on it if that really is the kind of thing that people do, and I baked awhile in the heat of the raw and raucous laughter that was blasted right at my face:

 

- Can't wait for the sunny weather. Sitting naked on a leather sofa and slowly peeling your ballbag off the seat is what summer was made for. -

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I cannot tell a lie, I passed something like this one off as my own on saturday night, I might even have riffed on it if that really is the kind of thing that people do, and I baked awhile in the heat of the raw and raucous laughter that was blasted right at my face:

 

- Can't wait for the sunny weather. Sitting naked on a leather sofa and slowly peeling your ballbag off the seat is what summer was made for. -

 

Ha!

 

I made a joke about it to my girlfriend as we were watching TV one night, then though "that'll do Big Sam, that one"!

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I fully expect this to lead me to Hollyhead..

Fixed that for you mate :thumbs:

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