Pretty good read.... The Times March 06, 2006 I predict a riot - rather too often JOSÉ MOURINHO HAS REACHED THE stage of the blonde woman in the red dress in the party scene in Sunday Bloody Sunday. As things don?t go her way, she first picks a fight, then throws a scene and finally rips her clothes off in a melodramatic fit. An observer sighs: ?Not those tired old t*** again.? Yes, José. What was once thrilling, attractive and dangerous is now the most frightful bore. It?s no longer amusing. It?s no longer even interesting. Put ?em away, José, we?ve all seen them before and we?re no longer so terribly impressed. It?s been getting on for two years, now. We have reached a state of Pout Fatigue. I could almost have forgiven Mourinho for Saturday?s performance against Bryan Robson away to West Bromwich Albion but for the smirk. It was a moment that forfeited all sympathy. It?s all gone too far. Pout all you like from now on, strip off in the Nou Camp, but I?m no longer thrilled. Mourinho kept the Chelsea players in the dressing-room for too long at half-time, as a piece of up-yours gamesmanship that he now seems to employ at every match he plays. I think the strain is rather getting to him. Robson, the West Bromwich manager, had words, whereupon Mourinho gave his insufferable smirk. I do what I like, you do what you must. This is because you are a lesser being, yes? So afterwards he refused to shake Robson?s hand ? is there a manager alive who has had the honour of shaking Mourinho?s hand after a match? Certainly, his politenesses are more honoured in the breach than the observance ? and then, to make the point that he was Making A Point, he shook hands with all his players. The trouble with all this is that it was only ten days since his ludicrous reaction to the woes he suffered against Barcelona ? a first-leg home defeat in the Champions League. Mourinho claimed, absurdly, that Lionel Messi had faked his tumble to get a Chelsea player sent off. To make this still less sympathetic, Arjen Robben, of Chelsea, had made a grotesque dive a couple of weeks earlier. What?s more, Didier Drogba gave us yet another example of the diver?s art on Saturday. Mourinho was good fun when he arrived: stylish, witty, ironical, clever, amusing and effective. Management is easy. Easy for me, anyway, although obviously that isn?t true for ordinary people. His poses and postures and ? then strictly rationed ? pouts added to the gaiety of football. But it really doesn?t do to overplay your favourite gambit. People stop taking you seriously. They stop listening to what you are saying. If you seek to exploit shock tactics, it?s best not to employ them every week. Mourinho, it seems, has a problem. His mind is trying to bridge the interstellar gap between his sense of what should be and a distant place known as reality. In short, Chelsea are not playing well enough to sustain Mourinho?s impossible level of self-belief. That Champions League match against Barcelona may turn out to be a watershed occasion, a real confidence-breaker. Certainly, on Saturday he was rattled enough for self- parody. The second leg tomorrow requires a serious performance, and from the Chelsea players rather than the Chelsea manager. A non-handshake, a press conference rant, a series of accusations against the referee or his opposing manager or his cheating opponents ? we?ve had all these, and rather too often. It would be nice, would it not, if we were to talk about footballers next time Chelsea play football. But bearing in mind this will be in Barcelona, the chances are not high. Some hints, then, for José. Cut down on the pouts. Ration yourself to one scene every six weeks. Try to give an impression that you respect more people in the world than yourself and Sir Alex Ferguson (for whom Mourinho?s devotion is largely ironical). Don?t ignore reality every single match ? it?s more effective if you save these things up. Try occasionally to accuse somebody of a crime he has actually committed ? it means that wild accusations would carry a bit more weight. Try to stop stealing every scene, every time you come on stage. The novelty value is wearing off. And try, above all, to keep that red frock on. Because you are becoming your own cliché.
