Cacofonix the Bard

That's near enough to the best half of goalkeeping I've ever seen.

Williams looks like he has great feet but he hasn't put in a decent ball so far.

Psoriasis.

Jones has played the safe pass too many times. Needs to show the confidence he's shown in the past.

It must be so hard for you poms in this heat. Hope you all had a drink of water watching at home while the lads were having a drink on the pitch.

The pitch looks like it has psoriasis.

The deflection f***ed up the shot. It was on target I think.

f*** me, Curtis looks really sincerely affected by Jack Charlton's death. They must have been close.

Yeah, no point playing him on the left at all on that evidence. Looking forward to seeing him get a full game on the right.

It's brilliant having so many matches in quick succession. We should have this arrangement all the time, seasons that go from August to February. If you don't have a big enough squad to cope with it, then tough s***.

Terry was still good when he was well into this 30s and he'd lost his pace, so I daresay VVD will also last a long time given he's twice the athlete Terry was and at least 1.5 times the player.

That doesn't even scan bruv

I was leaving it open for someone to be creative with it...

We've had two Academy kids become first choice first-team players since Steven Gerrard. We've just had hardly anyone have a good career with us full stop to be fair.

Righto, he's a winger then? I stand corrected. Either way, I doubt he's getting a game for us next season.

They shaved Allardyce And...

I'd say there's no chance he'll get more than a handful of appearances, if that. At this stage, from what I've seen, he's got less to offer against top opposition than pretty much every senior midfielder we've got. And we might be strengthening midfield over the off-season anyway. He's much better off playing 30-40 games somewhere else than playing half-pace games in our Under-23s.

Was it the Special One who crippled Herbie Kane then? f*** off Mourinho.

He's just a s*** Curtis Jones now isn't he? But no in all seriousness, I love this guy like a courteous, impeccably-raised young cousin but he might not have enough left to give. Curtis should be getting his minutes til the end of the season.

He's too old for Academy football next year isn't he? Which might mean he'll be playing faux-reserves footie every two weeks? Should go on loan for the season in that case.

Yeah good work Hassony

Maybe so, but that's the last time I'm watching Swansea to report back to you plebs. I've done my bit.

So after this debacle, I decided to have another go at watching a Swansea match to see how Brewster plays. This time I watched Brewster touch the ball four times; once with his back to goal, once heading a hopeful long-ball, a clever backheel flick with his back to goal that didn't come off and once with his a*** blocking an opposition cross. They seem to play using a very slow build-up and rarely seem to get any decent possession in their attacking third. I've developed a new respect for his 7 in 14 on this evidence.

His goal is at 0.20. Alert finish from a ball played across the penalty box. He's clearly got a knack for it. He fluffs a good chance 1 v 1 with the keeper at 1.24 as well.

Has a good touch and barely put a foot wrong. With his energy, he might offer us an Ox type option, except less invisible than the Ox is a lot of the time. I do hope he gets enough minutes next season though. Otherwise he's better off getting 40 appearances somewhere else than 4 starts and 4 sub appearances for us. It'll just f*** up his development.