Acts of Kindness

[Bootser]

I was brought up always be thoughtful of others. To be considerate to others and in particular to see other people’s point of view. In NI that is, at times difficult to do, but I’m interested of times you have benefitted from or delivered common decency.

 

As a rule I always try and assist the less abled or elderly and have also been the recipient of acts of kindness. I remember arriving at a hospital ER having a flare up of Crohn’s and being in a very bad state and complete strangers coming to my assistance. When I had my RTA last year there was no shortage of people willing to help.

 

I am grateful that the world contains more people inclined to help than look the other way. I am interested in other posters experiences.

[Zoob]

I was similarly brought up to he thoughtful and helpful to others. Maybe I'm just jaded, but I don't think the world contains more people willing to help than look the other way... And I think how people vote kind of reflect this (to simplify; the left is more about helping people, the right is more about selfishness)

 

I remember 15 or 20 years ago, my mum collapsed in on the pavement on a busy street and was in distress, and she said it was 3 to 4 minutes before anyone helped her. Everyone else just stepped around  her. Guess part of that is London, and how that grinds people down...

 

Thankfully there are still enough people (30%-40% maybe?) who are kind and giving, and I try to help people when possible. 

[New York Red]

I was brought up to be a complete and utter c*nt to everyone, about everything. It's worked well for me.

 

Not serious...  

 

This is a cool thread.

[Leo No.8]

Good for you Bootser - the world needs more of this!

 

Have you ever read the psychology stuff by Adam Grant about givers, takers and matchers? It’s really interesting, he categorises people into whether they are programmed to help others or themselves first.

 

It’s focused on how these personalities manifest in the workplace, but crosses over into life as a whole.

[Falconhoof]

I try to give stuff away for free, and especially be kind to the elderly who want to chat. I guess that’s being kind with your time and your attention.

My Nan used to say there are no pockets in a shroud. She used to give everything away and I’d like to be more like that.

 

On the other hand I’m struggling like hell to get my small business up off subsistence levels so that narrows your focus and means I really need that to work for me before I can help others more.

 

It’s mind blowing when other people give up their free time to help me with something and I often feel I don’t thank them adequately.

[cymrococh]

I find it difficult to accept random acts of kindness in the spirit they are made, our neighbours have been very kind to us over the last year and the first impulse is to do something in return. I'm coming round to the idea of 'passing it on' being the best response.

Edited March 29, 2019 by cymrococh

[Case]

We had a car crash 18 months ago.  I was driving and came off a section of black ice on a road that was untreated.  It was scary as fuck for the few seconds before we crashed into (ironically) a recovery truck helping out another car that had just skidded gently off the road.  My wife was badly injured and was losing consciousness, my son was in shock, and we had our dog with us at well.  Within seconds, the woman whose car was being recovered was comforting my son in the back of our car.  An ambulance was called by a tow truck driver.  Some random people had stopped any further traffic in both directions and quite a few people were milling around helping us out.  This continued later with getting me bac from the nearest town, someone else taking our dog, others collecting our stuff - we were on our way to our son's graduation - and dropping it back, miles out of their way to our house.

People are great.  Much higher than the  the 40% Zoob refers to, I think ….  I don't know where he/she lives, but maybe it IS different in cities?

As for me, as I'm sure for everyone on here, we do a few things here and there, small stuff, that helps others, and we get it back tenfold.  My Mum, who was literally the kindest human being who ever walked, made me think more about how to live after she passed a couple of years ago.  Everyone gets pissed off at stuff, frustrated by stuff, and I've been a dickhead in life and on here at times over the past 15 (!) years, but you know, day to day, minute to minute, try to be kind.

Great thread Bootser.

[pipnasty]

The vast majority of people are 'good' people - it is part of our nature to be generous and altruistic. In the absence of economic growth, what sustains human civilisation is culture - culture that bonds people together and provide reasons to care about each other. This means that, in difficult times, people would look to each other for security rather than looking to money to provide them with this. To foster this we need to protect and help regenerate our natural ecology and, at the same time, rebuild the informal economy. It is the collapse of both of these that has brought us into direct competition with each other and the results of this have been devastating. We need to lose the myth that financial independence is something we need to strive for. All money does is allow us to be dependent on people we don't know instead of people we do know. We all have a deep yearning to reconnect to the things that we hold dear and seemingly random acts of kindness are an integral part of this. People no longer being polite has led us to Brexit, Trump, fascism and ecological collapse.

[DecidedByPoll]

The vast majority of people are 'good' people - it is part of our nature to be generous and altruistic. In the absence of economic growth, what sustains human civilisation is culture - culture that bonds people together and provide reasons to care about each other. This means that, in difficult times, people would look to each other for security rather than looking to money to provide them with this. To foster this we need to protect and help regenerate our natural ecology and, at the same time, rebuild the informal economy. It is the collapse of both of these that has brought us into direct competition with each other and the results of this have been devastating. We need to lose the myth that financial independence is something we need to strive for. All money does is allow us to be dependent on people we don't know instead of people we do know. We all have a deep yearning to reconnect to the things that we hold dear and seemingly random acts of kindness are an integral part of this. People no longer being polite has led us to Brexit, Trump, fascism and ecological collapse.

Sounds a bit like ‘The Big Society’ if it was actually a real thing and not a fig leaf for austerity.

 

What do you mean by ‘informal economy’? It’s not a phrase i’ve heard before but it’s a really interesting concept.

[Duncan Disorderly]

"Brought up, not dragged up." is a motto I like to stick by.

 

One act of thoughtfulness that comes to mind is when I used to work in the Return Letter Centre for Royal Mail. There was one letter I opened with a lock of hair in it. The note was from a girl to her brother saying it was their mum's, who'd obviously passed, but only a mobile number, no address. So, I spent most of that day/evening trying to get through to her. I eventually did late on, and told her about her mum's lock of hair and to ask her for her address so I could send it back to her, as there was no way I'd want to throw out something so personally precious. She was in tears thanking me, but, hey, it's only right.

[pipnasty]

 

What do you mean by ‘informal economy’? It’s not a phrase i’ve heard before but it’s a really interesting concept.

 

The non-monetary economy - family time, music, volunteering, learning a new skill, arts, teaching our children how to play and all of the things that we genuinely enjoy doing  - things that we do when we are not compelled to work

[Ostrich Man]

"Brought up, not dragged up." is a motto I like to stick by.

 

One act of thoughtfulness that comes to mind is when I used to work in the Return Letter Centre for Royal Mail. There was one letter I opened with a lock of hair in it. The note was from a girl to her brother saying it was their mum's, who'd obviously passed, but only a mobile number, no address. So, I spent most of that day/evening trying to get through to her. I eventually did late on, and told her about her mum's lock of hair and to ask her for her address so I could send it back to her, as there was no way I'd want to throw out something so personally precious. She was in tears thanking me, but, hey, it's only right.

yep and there was that time you found a half ounce of hash that had been posted and gave it to me....

[cymrococh]

I used to shoplift stuff and give it to friends. I'm not saying I'm a hero, that's for other people to decide.

[Duncan Disorderly]

yep and there was that time you found a half ounce of hash that had been posted and gave it to me....

 

[D.Boon]

Was there any post that DD didn't have a rifle through to see if there was anything worth nicking?

[Ostrich Man]

well it was his job to rifle through them.

 

sort of

[Duncan Disorderly]

Was there any post that DD didn't have a rifle through to see if there was anything worth nicking?

We opened everything. There was cash, vouchers, drugs, prosthetic limbs, sh*t, anything you can think of...

[Ostrich Man]

hope

Edited March 29, 2019 by Ostrich Man

[New York Red]

I find it difficult to accept random acts of kindness in the spirit they are made, our neighbours have been very kind to us over the last year and the first impulse is to do something in return. I'm coming round to the idea of 'passing it on' being the best response.

They may be after something. Keep your guard up.

[Bootser]

yep and there was that time you found a half ounce of hash that had been posted and gave it to me....

Now that is above and beyond the call of duty.

 

Some very interesting comments. My wife lost her purse in a car park in Tampa when we stopped before getting on a cruise ship. It had about 300 dollars and all sorts of cards etc in it, including her RCN card. Anyways we thought we’d never see it again but when the cruise was over we had another week in Florida and called the cops to see if anything had been handed in. It was handed in with every dollar/card. I asked the Police if they could tell me who had handed it in but they said they couldn’t. I’ve always regretted not being able to tell the person how much we appreciated their honesty. We did make a donation to a police charity cause that we noticed.

[Gethin]

Now that is above and beyond the call of duty.

 

Some very interesting comments. My wife lost her purse in a car park in Tampa when we stopped before getting on a cruise ship. It had about 300 dollars and all sorts of cards etc in it, including her RCN card. Anyways we thought we’d never see it again but when the cruise was over we had another week in Florida and called the cops to see if anything had been handed in. It was handed in with every dollar/card. I asked the Police if they could tell me who had handed it in but they said they couldn’t. I’ve always regretted not being able to tell the person how much we appreciated their honesty. We did make a donation to a police charity cause that we noticed.

 

A few years ago, the wife dropped her wedding and engagement rings at a tube station (long story involving a baking course and her tube pass....). She put in a lost property claim with TfL more in hope than anything - but they got handed in and she got them back about 3 weeks later. No idea who handed them in as TfL wouldn't/weren't able to tell us but there's some good people out there. Like Bootser, I wish we'd been able to say thank you properly

[downunder]

Whenever I have lfc events here, I always make sure any disabled or very ill people get to the events for free and meet the guests early and spend a good few extra minutes with them. And one local fan who is really struggling with his health, had his car break down and they couldnt afford For it be fixed and serviced, which meant he wouldn’t be able to get to daily dialysis- I arranged a whip round and we all paid for the repairs.

 

I like to help others, and when I retire I want to help volunteer for a charity. I would like to work for one now, but have never been able to find a job that suits.

[Molby]

I struggle with the philosophy of kindness

 

On the one hand I do a lot of random acts of kindness, objectively speaking (Meaning on the surface) eg I’ve written to the Echo a few times when there’s been a story of hardship and offered to help or I’ve pulled the car over to help people who seem to be struggling (examples include a forlorn-looking blind man and a youth getting a kicking)

I’ve got the same charity standing orders as a lot of people and often text a few quid when there’s an ad for something on the telly

 

BUT I’ve been wondering for decades whether I or anyone else deserves any credit

Are we not just making ourselves feel good, which makes it as much an act of selfishness as altruism?

 

Ask me why I do any particular act of kindness or giving and the answer is that it makes me feel good and therefore it might make me feel bad not to which means I might be trapped in some kind of self-imposed prison of assuaging guilt and that’s not the same as loving your fellow man

 

Obv if everyone is doing the same then the world should be a better place but what about the randomness of who gets helped? Is it the cutest, or the ones whose cause gets shouted loudest or the ones in the right place at the right time?

 

If so, shouldn’t the entire burden shift from charity to the state, so that everyone gets a fair shake?

 

But then that’s an idea that I naturally shy away from and the idea of a collective organising things in the best/fairest way simply isn’t something I trust.... once that collective exceeds a certain ( very small) size

 

So in conclusion, kindness is a subject of many contrasts

Edited March 29, 2019 by Molby

[Duncan Disorderly]

To me, the fact there needs to be charities is a reflection of the failure of the state, or at least, an abdication of its responsibilities.

Edited March 29, 2019 by Duncan Disorderly

[Molby]

To me, the fact there needs to be charities is a reflection of the failure of the state, or at least, an abdication of its responsibilities.

Right

Whilst I get the principle of that ( and isn’t that a liberal philosophy btw?) I have zero hope that any collective of that size, regardless of where it sits on the political spectrum can deliver on such a task

Edited March 29, 2019 by Molby