10 tips for spotting an unfaithful partner

Sir Tokyo Sexwale · October 21, 2009

1. Is there such a thing as a harmless flirt?

At some stage we’ve all had a friend who is clearly dating a bit of a sex pest. The boyfriend who you assume is totally into your lovely pal. That is until he stares into your eyes just a little bit too long as you engage in polite conversation, or finds it necessary to place his hands on your hips as he moves past you at the bar.

Lo and behold this often ends up being the same cad who runs off with someone else or gets caught in a compromising position with his workmate. You can see it coming a mile off with your friend, but can you see when it’s happening to you?

There is no doubt that if your beloved is really into you then naturally he should spend the majority of his time eyeing YOU up - and not everyone else. Red-blooded males will always have a sneaky peek at the opposite sex but if your chap is leering at every woman he sees (including a passing nun flashing a bit of ankle) then best be on your guard.

2. He can't go anywhere without his phone

Modern technology dictates that it has never been easier to play away. With multiple email addresses, mobile phones, instant messenger, Twitter and Facebook, technology has created a cheater's paradise.

So if he never lets his phone out of his sight or keeps it on silent, quickly clicks on to a different webpage when you approach or hurries off for mumbled phone calls then it could be he has something to hide. As one case study points out: "I had a cheating boyfriend who took his phone to the loo and when he was running a bath.” If he has nothing to hide, then why all the secrecy?

3. He’s had a man makeover

Most of us let our standards slip a little when we're settled in a relationship. Suddenly our underwear doesn't match, we don't plaster on the make-up as much and can't be bothered to shave our legs.

It's the same for our boyfriends - the stubble grows, shirts go un-ironed and moobs start to flourish.

"You know he's probably cheating when he suddenly turns from the tramp you've come to know and love into the man you first met," explains one wronged woman. "Working out, paying attention to his hair and making sure he smells good by covering himself top to toe in aftershave." So if, out of the blue, he starts making a special effort, you have to wonder.

4. He’s acting shady

Some people are very good at lying, but luckily for us, other folk are appalling. So keep your eye out for suspect body language that gives away the fact he’s fibbing.

Classic signs of lying include covering his mouth when he's speaking, rubbing or scratching his nose as well as an inability to look you in the eye.

5. He's constantly AWOL

It's no easy feat juggling two relationships at once, so it will come as no surprise that a love cheat is often a late cheat.

If he's suddenly got into the habit of not answering the phone or being vague about where he's been then you’re entitled to think it’s a little iffy. As a woman scorned reveals: “My boyfriend was never a great time keeper but suddenly ‘I'll be half an hour’ would mean him turning up three hours later.”

If he can’t tell you what’s keeping him then you can’t be sure he’s all yours.

6. He’s suddenly very keen on housework

There was a time when it took a stand up row to get him to push the Hoover round. Likewise changing the bed sheets any less than once a month was viewed as an extravagance.

So why has he helpfully changed the bed linen midweek? And what prompted him to stick his shirt in the washing machine rather than discard it on the floor?

Have his hygiene standards really changed overnight or do you smell a rat? A perfume wearing, hair moulting rat...

7. He’s all over you

Before an affair a love cheat may have struggled to be civil to his girlfriend. But guilt can do strange things to a man and may even prompt him to become extremely over-attentive. Likewise, a sudden wave of floral fancies could seem shifty if previously flowers from him were as rare as a four leafed clover.

As another case study will corroborate: "My unfaithful ex started buying me flowers for no reason - except to ease his conscience." Could it be that his affections also lie elsewhere?

8. He’s keeping you at arm’s length

While some cheating chaps will kill their unwitting partners with kindness, others will become very distant and standoffish.

He may look physically repulsed by the prospect of going to bed together and become easily irritated by the slightest thing you do.

As another woman in the know reveals: "My cheating ex started overreacting to simple questions like, ‘Did you have fun last night?' with responses such as, ‘For God's sake why are you always checking up on me?’"

Are you a source of unrelenting irritation because you’re just not her?

9. He’s making other people feel awkward

Cheaters sometimes feel the need to purge their sins by sharing their dirty little secret with their nearest and dearest. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the recipient of their confession feels comfortable with the revelation.

“When my boyfriend was playing away I noticed that his parents were being friendly but in a really shifty way because they knew and felt awkward,” explains another cheated lady. “I also picked up on the fact he suddenly didn't want me to see his friends.”

He might be able to keep up the perfect poker face but will his mates crumble?

10. Sometimes there are no signs

Occasionally you meet a real master of deception, a pathological liar who hoodwinks everyone, but by the same token there are plenty of men (and women) who wouldn’t dream of cheating.

As one man says: “In long-term relationships everyone has their moments and opportunities to play away, but, what separates us from animals, is that we are born with an emotional capacity to make judgements rather than just acting on instinct.

“Yes, we still have the possibility to be unfaithful, but in the long term it’s actually more rewarding and fruitful to be monogamous. You realise you are creating something great together – far greater than you would achieve being on your own or by slyly playing the field.”

So if there are no signs he’s cheating then he probably wouldn’t dream of it. Hurrah!

Proof if ever there need be of how s**** The Times is - my favs:

7 - He's all over you

8 - He's keeping you at arm's length

10 - sometimes there are no signs

Benzo-13 · October 21, 2009

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