Leo No.8

Alonso and Garcia are almost completely two-footed, in that they can hit a 40 yard pass or take a difficult chance equally comfortably with either foot. Finnan is also totally happy with the ball on his left foot. Everyone else except Riise can use their other foot reasonably well when they have to, but for me those 3 are significantly ahead of the rest.

I just don't understand why he doesn't grasp the idea of running across the pitch to close down the opposition when his team is under pressure. Surely it has been explained this is what he's supposed to do; should it need explaining? For top-class forwards all over the world its just part of their job. I'm starting to think it's not that he doesn't get it, but he just f*cking can't be arsed. Either way he's got to go in the summer...

I've considered Joaquin a great deal, and decided he is the right-sided Harry Kewell. Bigger physically than your average winger, and stronger. Quick but not lightning, more likely to beat players with fleet of foot. Inconsistent with his delivery although quality at times, and doesn't score quite enough goals. On his day a world beater, but in and out of the game at times. Bit of a nancy-boy which frustrates the crowd at times (but then again he's a winger isn't he). If people would like a Kewell on both wings, he's your man. I would personally, but it all depends on the price - wouldn't pay more than about the £10m mark myself...

Shows how highly this lad was thought of by our people then. They got an U-21 International plus potentially £1.5m and a 25% sell-on clause... But of course in the grand scheme of things its not a huge outlay to us - even if he fulfils his promise it'll be peanuts, wheras to Hull, it'd obviously be a significant amount of money and they've got a player well suited to their level in Welsh. Good deal all round I'd say...

Good!

If they put number 58 on it, I hope the f*cking thing breaks down. That would be classless and in bad taste, and it sounds like the banner would be pretty unfunny as well. The bus with the trophies might be quite amusing, but the rest makes them sound like a shower of nobheads...

This comes up a lot mate, even people like Fowler have had 'he told The Sun' after their quotes. He won't have been speaking exclusively to that rag. They give comments to the general press, and if a writer from The S*n happens to be there, he attributes the quotes as having been directly to them...

Henry Gerrard Ronaldinho Nesta Kaka Terry Ballack Its easy this being a senior Madrid official isn't it? And I'd be even cheaper than Valdano (perish the thought). Now, which ones will actually come to us - oh...er, well we might get Ballack...

Some great quotes on the BBC from Floro, their football director. "I've recommended as priority signings a powerful central striker like Adriano and a top midfielder in case Zinedine Zidane leaves." Ha ha, they really are brilliant Madrid. Since they've actually stopped being good, their arrogance has gone from annoying to hilarious. I mean their 'football director' has obviously given this a lot of thought before making his recommendations - you can tell why he's probably being paid a vast salary to do what he does. I mean of course it goes without saying that there's no need for any defenders, everything in that department is hunky-dory. Mejia, Bravo and the rest of the comedy act back there are sure to bring success next season. No, what they need is a striker who has been out of form this season and would be ridiculously over-priced (after all they need another over-priced, under-performing striker desperately), and Gerrard - I mean how did he think of Gerrard? That must have taken quite a lot of thought to come up with his name. I'm actually laughing at my desk in work here, I used to hate Madrid, but now I think they're brilliant!

You're in trouble now John - Elisha will tell on you to Stevie...

To be honest, who gives a f*ck whether Madrid want him or not. I'm amazed this actually bothers anyone. I'm not surprised they want Gerrard - in fact they probably want a lot of players. Their current squad is ready to fall apart at the seams with all their ageing, disinterested Galacticos and second rate defenders. They need to spend heavily and wisely this summer IMO, just to stay in the top three domestically. Due to a mixture of arrogance, mis-management and poor decisions in the transfer market Real Madrid are a complete shambles at the moment, and there's no way in the world Gerrard would want to go there. I actually think its quite funny the way they are still drawing up their little lists, despite the fact that they are crap and in huge debt. Maybe they should put Del Bosque on their list - after the shameful way they treated their last decent manager. Lets' all laugh at Real, lets all laugh at Real, la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la...

His delivery has improved - that cross for Morientes towards the end at Blackburn was absolutely fantastic. Moro sticks that away (as he should have) and everyone would be raving about Kewell's ball in to him.

I'd be surprised myself...

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It f*cking amazes me the way its one rule for one, and completely different rules for another. Kewell has been dogged by injury, which has taken the edge off the player he 'used to be'. If you're waiting for the 20 year old Kewell to show up, my advice would be don't hold your breath. You've got about as much chance of seeing the Kewell 'that used to be' as you have of seeing the Fowler 'that used to be' before his serious injuries. He's lost a yard of pace (to suggest he isn't still fairly quick is ridiculous though), simple as that. Despite that unavoidable fact, Kewell has improved significantly this season from last, has gained some confidence back and been involved with a lot of our best attacking play. No, he isn't as quick as he used to be, but he's stronger and tough to knock off the ball, which means he can make those slaloming runs and cause problems for defenders. His quality is still there, and although he's not as consistant a goalscorer as he should be, the lad is working hard for the team and doing well. Just because he's got a ponytail, some people think different rules apply to Kewell. I mean who he f*ck genuinely believed he went off injured in the Champions League final on purpose? That has to be one of the most moronic things I've ever heard. Mike I'm with you - he's f*cking boss...

Although he eventually flopped in England, Kezman had an equally impressive scoring ratio in Holland and was held in similar regard to Kuyt, yet only went for £6.5m. I reckon £8.5m would be about right for a top player from the Dutch league. Only RVN would break that mould, but United are easily ripped off...

If I can't get my hands on enough Granny Smiths and horse poo to get to Salford at least, I'll be jumping a lift with my Dad and Uncle...

He's not far off! Isn't he 24/25?

Although I rate Nihat highly, he's had some serious injuries. And despite the fact that I think Forlan is a talented footballer and I'm well aware of how well he's done in Spain, the prospect of us signing him doesn't exactly fill me with anticipation. When Gonzales, Paletta and hopefully Aurelio arrive our squad will be that strong, I think we should be looking at bringing in a striker who is out of the very top drawer. I'm not sure injury-risks and players who have already failed in England are really the key to taking us to the next level. Nihat I'd take on a bosman, say as a direct replacement for Cisse. But the other striker we sign has to be a top quality striker who'll guarantee goals, and will accordingly probably cost a fair old wedge...

I'm considering travelling in a small electric cart powered by a mixture of horse manure, used tea-bags and apples. If I leave tomorrow lunchtime I should just make the kick-off...

'attacking tyrone'. We're signing the fat lad off Corrie...

Sami really will go down in Liverpool history as one of the best; as one of his staunchest supporters when it became fashionable to want him out in favour of a 'pacy centre-half', I'm delighted to see him prove me right! He's performing as well as ever in Rafa's side, which of course adopts a notably higher defensive line. As I always said, there have been plenty of fantastic centre-halves throughout the history of the game who haven't been the quickest. With the intelligence and reading of the game required, speed is a quality which I'd consider no more than a bonus for that particular position. As soon as your centre-half is in a sprinting match with the player he's marking, he's made a positional mistake; if defences are as well drilled as ours, then stepping out for offside as a unit can completely negate pacy centre-forwards. Alternatively we also have the flexibility to move deeper from time to time as we did against Blackburn. I can see Sami going on for a good few years yet. Although I'm sure he'll get more of a rest in future seasons with the arrival of Agger and Paletta. One of the great Liverpool centre-halves, the ultimate professional and a legend in his own right. I hope Sami will move into a coaching capacity of some sort when he eventually does hang his boots up...

Will has got me to contend with as well then, because I agree with you... His confidence and decision-making remind me of the best goalkeeper of the generation I grew up with - Peter Schmeichel...

He's Terry Nutkins from 'The Really Wild Show'... Didn't you know?

I don't think this Dave Hodgson ever claimed to be the real Dave Hodgson! I always thought it was just his user name... Can I have your attention please? Will the real Dave Hodgson please stand up...