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Swan Red

Some reflections on 50 and life

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I know but that I am self indulgent enough to do my own happy birthday thread really should come as no surprise.

 

I'm 50 today and newly separated from my wife. Literally the hardest thing I've ever done as unlike others in the various threads my wife is a truly wonderful woman who did nothing to deserve the lack of effort I made maintaining our relationship over the last couple of years and by the time I realised in therapy that my current situation, anxiety and depression have been bad for about the last 6 months, was due to my feelings about my wife and our relationship it was too late. To be clear I'm not saying the other wives of forumites aren't also wonderful people but my wife has been more supportive of my mental health challenges than I had any right to expect and yet here we are.

 

My takeaway from it that people really need to be honest with themselves, I wasn't and my cowardice in not wanting to face my changing feelings has merely prolonged the hurt and delayed recovery.

 

I'm requesting a deferral on my PhD because I can't afford it at the moment and will revisit next semester depending on my situation.

 

Which brings me to discovering 3 days ago I am going to be out of work come November. The company I work for has been acquired and I'm due to find out whether I have a 6 month transition role but this is unlikely and my most likely end date is November 1st. So jobless singledom awaits and I am pretty nervous about it but for the first time in years I actually seem to have a handle on my anxiety and I'm sad not depressed which at least gives me something to work with.

 

In fairness it was already time for me to start acting my age and now I don't have much choice. If there are different types of idiot, there are, I am too many types and need to start scaling that back a bit.

Some of this really resonates with me. Thank you.

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have a good one vic and I never did say thanks for all the advice you gave back in the oakie when I split up from wife no 2

 

Actually 50 myself in 2 weeks (not celebrating don't do birthdays) but I am in a better place than I was back in those days, though I wish I still had my season ticket. Take it easy and find your happy place

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I'm 55, my son - only child - was an unexpected arrival when I was 45. So lost 50, I've found unexpected energy, vigour and variety and learned that you are never too old to enjoy and experience mew things and find different pleasures.

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Happy birthday mate.

Not much I can say that the multitudes haven't already.

 

Life is too short and too precious. Cherish it.

 

Here's to a new beginning and a new hope. Get back to enjoying life and yourself.

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I sometimes feel like we hold ourselves back. Somehow I sense that you, Vic, and many of us, yearn for a different life and we could probably set ourselves free if we knew how.

 

You love gardening, reading, long conversations with interesting people, and lots more. Those are things you can enjoy. Take yourself off on dates. Go and visit libraries and farms and talk to their experts and workers. You don’t need permission, they would be delighted that you are interested.

 

(This might be terrible advise, and whatever you do don’t worry, it’s all ok)

Edited by Falconhoof

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Vic, theres not much i can add to this that people haven't already said. first thing is though, look after yourself, dont be afraid to put yourself first. and obviously happy birthday

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In amongst all of that; happy birthday, Vic.

 

Deferring the Phd is a good idea given the circumstances and, to be honest, the chance of getting funding might improve the closer you get to the end of next year and the passing of the REF.

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Is she really worth losing? A good woman is so grounding and worth working for because if she's worth it, she'll get you through the low points, with a better perspective than you thought you had.

 

I think we all need a reality kick at some points in our lives. 50 is a big one. I've got mine in a few months.

 

All I can say, is keep things in perspective and acknowledge that yours may not be the right one. We're all learning, all the time.

 

Raising a glass to you. Cheers.

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I don’t have the depth as a human to say or do anything particularly useful Mr Red but if it helps to know that someone is absolutely rooting for you then I can assure you I am. Look after yourself.

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Hope you had a nice birthday SR. The fact you’re able to be so honest about where you’re at is a good start I reckon. Fingers crossed things will be brighter by the time 51 arrives.

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I don’t have the depth as a human to say or do anything particularly useful Mr Red but if it helps to know that someone is absolutely rooting for you then I can assure you I am. Look after yourself.

 

Well said. Basically this.

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Happy birthday.

 

Hell of a situation you’re describing. I’ve been through the no wife, no job situation some 20 years time ago. It completely threw me down a spiral full of dark places and I’m sure I would have been jamming with Prince and Bowie today if it wasn’t for good friends who I could talk to.

 

So, hope you’re doing OK, and use your friends for what it’s worth.

 

Take care.

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Of ever there was a time to cycle across the world while growing the mightiest of beards then this is it.

 

I'll join you for the Gloucestershire section

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Happy belated birthday. 

Sorry to read about your woes. As eggs go you're one of the good ones.

Never stop reaching out. I've always got an ear for you if you need it. My advice is s***e though. It'll get you in all kinds of trouble. 

 

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Of ever there was a time to cycle across the world while growing the mightiest of beards then this is it.

 

I'll join you for the Gloucestershire section

 

 

I'll set up the Peak District section

 

Come on SR - you can do it!

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Man comes on and talks mental health struggles and you lot immediately want to confront him with his physical limitations. Genny fails again.

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