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Swan Red

Some reflections on 50 and life

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I know but that I am self indulgent enough to do my own happy birthday thread really should come as no surprise.

 

I'm 50 today and newly separated from my wife. Literally the hardest thing I've ever done as unlike others in the various threads my wife is a truly wonderful woman who did nothing to deserve the lack of effort I made maintaining our relationship over the last couple of years and by the time I realised in therapy that my current situation, anxiety and depression have been bad for about the last 6 months, was due to my feelings about my wife and our relationship it was too late. To be clear I'm not saying the other wives of forumites aren't also wonderful people but my wife has been more supportive of my mental health challenges than I had any right to expect and yet here we are.

 

My takeaway from it that people really need to be honest with themselves, I wasn't and my cowardice in not wanting to face my changing feelings has merely prolonged the hurt and delayed recovery.

 

I'm requesting a deferral on my PhD because I can't afford it at the moment and will revisit next semester depending on my situation.

 

Which brings me to discovering 3 days ago I am going to be out of work come November. The company I work for has been acquired and I'm due to find out whether I have a 6 month transition role but this is unlikely and my most likely end date is November 1st. So jobless singledom awaits and I am pretty nervous about it but for the first time in years I actually seem to have a handle on my anxiety and I'm sad not depressed which at least gives me something to work with.

 

In fairness it was already time for me to start acting my age and now I don't have much choice. If there are different types of idiot, there are, I am too many types and need to start scaling that back a bit.

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f***ing hell, Vic - not really sure what to say, without sounding all trite and cliched, apart from the fact that it takes a hell of a lot of guts to be as open as you have been here. And that mental health issues are really f***ing difficult to live with. And that we all need to be as open and honest as we can be with each other. And take care of yourself - we might all be a bunch of knobheads, but I reckon that we will all be here for you if you need us.

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Sorry to hear about your trials there Vic.

Glad that you’re getting some handle on them and it’s brave to be so open with this.

I’ve always insisted on an open door with my mates on stress and mental health as we get older. I hope it just helps to share and lighten the load.

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Lots happening in a very short time Vic, this just has to be so difficult for you both.

 

But it is your birthday, just try to enjoy the day mate.

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well, 1 - happy birthday

 

2 - that an awful lot of s*** to have on your plate at once. Sorry to hear - especially the marriage. 

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Happy Birthday. Lots of sad news to work through there but seems like you've got a good handle on it as a starting point rather than an ending. Best of luck.

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Happy Birthday Vic

 

are you defo staying where you are or are you prepared to relocate for your next job?

 

because crisis=opportunity (not that I have a job to offer you, just reflecting that being single and no kids will make the practicalities easier for you when it comes to the next step)

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Happy Birthday SR, hope you're looking after yourself. One of those would be a lot to cope with so you've had a s*** hand dealt. Keep talking to us.

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And take care of yourself - we might all be a bunch of knobheads, but I reckon that we will all be here for you if you need us.

 

If being a k****ead was disqualifying I'd have to disqualify myself. And you already have been over the time I've been speaking of the challenges I face.

 

Thanks all for the best wishes and kind words I'm actually better than I thought I would be, I am sad because I hurt someone I care about but at least it entailed an actually honest appraisal of where I am. Unfortunately the honesty came too late to resolve the issues that lead to it but sadness isn't depression and I'm okay.

 

I did forget the good news, when over in Liverpool last week I met the only man to call me son, albeit after not seeing him for 35 years and it was more wonderful than I could have expected especially given the circumstances. 

 

I guess if you are going to have a midlife crisis go big or go home eh.

 

I'm staying in therapy and exercising more, I'm probably going to go vegetarian once all the meat in the house is done and thanks Stanley and KAMF among others, I'm doing the diary thing tracking sleep, eating exercise and how I feel to stay on top of it. Will do Stu offer is much appreciated. @molby I'm staying where I am because the house is still in negative equity and I like living here but I can do consultancy now which involves travel which I wouldn't have before.

 

Cheers Cobs :thumbs:

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I've never met you SR but enjoy the perspective and often different approaches your bring to various subjects.

 

Upon reading your post here, I'm not sure I can add anything others to what have already said. The past is not something you can change but by reflecting on it, you can help shape your future in a way that helps you be the best of you.

 

Have a good birthday and all the best.

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Happy birthday, Vic. Look after yourself. It's only a number and all that, but turning 50 has been pretty good for me so far, apart from needing to piss more often!

 

If you ever want to get away, you're more than welcome here.

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