How would you deal with this?

sutty · September 23, 2009

The trains I get each morning have 2 different type of seats. So this morning I was sat on the 3er. Basically the etiquette here is that you sit on the ends of the row of 3 and hope that nobody comes and sits in the middle but these trains are generally f***ing rammed so you usually end up with somebody in the middle of you. I accept that.

So this morning I've followed the etiquette and the middle seat is free. The train comes to a halt. A few people pile on. 1st one is a young bird. Not too bad. She moves into the middle of the seat opposite. Balls I think. Young skinny bird is the way forward in this enforced space invasion. Next an old fella gets on. Small geezer. He hesitates about sitting down when this massive fat arsed woman climbs past him like she's hunting a fast moving mars bar or something. I'm not joking when I say that she must be 20 stone and 5ft 6. I'm thinking, you can't be serious here. f*** me she is.

She basically plonked herself down in the seat and her f***ing saddle bags were giving me the worlds worst lap dance. I didn't know whether to slip a fiver into her massive pants or to ask her to lose 5 stone. At that point I realised that my suit jacket was under her fat a*** and I was being pulled towards her, possibly by gravity. At which point I pulled my jacket out from underneath her enormous crack. She took that moment with an expert shift of the hips to bump me half off her seat.

It's the nearest I've been to having a pop at somebody on the train. Fortunately at the next stop the girl opposite me got off so I switched seats and tutted at her in a very english manner instead.

Massive fat bitch.

matty · September 23, 2009

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