she goes "what?"

smithdown · April 2, 2013

I'm having to deal with someone here who - and this has been going on for a couple of months now at least but I've held off from ranting so far cos it's just one of them that gets rar on my wick - well, he quite reasonably wants to tell you, every single day, everything, every single thing, that happened to him in the previous evening, which is great of course and extremely welcome except that nothing ever actually happens, pretty much f*ck all apart from him and his bird decide whether to have their tea in his or in hers, and then decide what to have for their tea (despite the options being quite limited really, chops or curry or curried chops, mash or rice, carrots, or sometimes just a big roast) and then they have their tea, and it's dead nice and they both eat it all. All very engaging stuff, as anyone would agree, except that he'll describe all this in minute detail, every single day he's still alive, and will go through the options for the evening ahead too, again in quite a lot of detail, so much so that every aspect is described with equal significance within the whole narrative, including pauses, clarifications and (and this is the bit that grates my friggin head off) instances where one hasn't quite heard the other...everything, every f*cking time, she said 'what?, so I said...I KNOW! I F*CKIN HEARD YOU! SHE DIDN'T! BUT THAT WAS YESTERDAY! SHE'S NOT F*CKING HERE!!! IT DOESN'T F*CKING MATTER!

and so it goes:

"I said to her 'shall we have tea in mine?', and she goes 'oh, you want to have tea in yours?' and I said 'yeah let's have it in mine' and she said 'yeah ok, but we could have it in mine, do you want to go to mine for your tea instead?', and I said 'could do, but I've took some chops out, we could have it them in mine', so she goes 'okay', like, fine, no probs, 'what are we having?', so I said 'I've got chops there I've defrosted', and she goes 'what?' so i said 'I've got some chops there I've defrosted' and she goes 'chops?', and I said 'yeah we could have them', and she goes 'what sort of chops?', so I said 'lamb', and she goes 'oh aye, lamb chops?', and I said 'yeah, I took them out to defrost this morning', and she goes 'oh you took them out this morning?', and I said 'yeah, I took them out to do for our tonight', and she goes 'what, lamb chops', and I said 'yeah', and she likes lamb chops, see, and she goes 'oh lamb chops, I like lamb chops', see, like I said, and I said 'yeah, lamb chops, do you fancy that then for your tea? they'll be defrosted now seeing as I took them out this morning', and she says 'oh they'll well be defrosted by now', and I said 'oh aye yeah', and she goes 'what?', and I said 'oh aye yeah, they'll be well defrosted now, them chops', and she goes "yeah, well defrosted", so I said 'shall we have them tonight then or what?' and she goes 'yeah go on, lamb chops',and I said 'yeah, I've defrosted them now anyway', and she says 'yeah go on, sound.', so I just did some lamb chops for our tea . Yeah, she ate the lot, woomph!

"Sound."

"I think she might have took a chicken out for tonight. Might do a roast."

"In yours this is it?"

"Oh, I don't know yet. Could go to hers or mine."

"Yeah."

"Either, to be honest."

"Sound."

"Could go to hers or have it in mine."

"Yeah."

"Could have a roast chicken. Roast dinner. Roast the chicken and do some veg with it. She's took a chicken out..."

C*nt.

Is he ill, or am I? Someone's not f*cking right anyway.

Boca · April 2, 2013

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