Funny true story

Paul B · June 27, 2007

Possibly the funniest story in a long while. This is a bricklayer's

accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian

equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This is a true story.

Dear Sir,

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in

Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause

of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the

following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working

alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work,

I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were

found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a

barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building

on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the

roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a

slow descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh

135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost

my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I

proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity

of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding downward

at an equally impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull,

minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of

the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until

the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was

able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience

pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit

the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the

weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid

descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third

floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured

ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel

seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile

of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry

to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain,

unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let

go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its

journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Spike · June 27, 2007

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