Any 'agony aunts' amongst you lot?

[Phil M (ET Crew)]

Separated from Wife in the Summer and in no rush to get seriously involved with someone else.

 

But met a really nice Woman this weekend. No need to go into details but things got rather intimate...

 

Any way, here comes the dilema - She is someone I could see myself being happy with BUT, appears to be a lot older. I am almost 33, and although I have been too much of a gentleman to ask her age I reckon she must be approaching if not already 40. Not such a problem in itself but she also has 3 daughters aged 8, 10 and 12.

 

I have seen her once briefly since we first got it together and am seeing her again tonight. For want of a better word things have already got quite 'mushy'..!

 

Obvioulsy very early days but my mind is a jumble. Any serious advise from anyone?

[Stevie H]

walk away now before it's too late.

[Tosh]

If age is a barrier for YOU, then that is your problem - or hers. If you are worried about what other people think, then you clearly do not have as strong a relationship as you would wish for....

 

My dad married someone 39 years younger than himself, and had 2 kids. They were very happy toegther and other than his untimely demise!....the issues were other peoples, not theirs

[sutty]

walk away now before it's too late.

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Stevie H's new motto

[Eskimo]

I think you need to ask yourself whether your ready to take on the responsibility of 3 kids because that the deal here. Also do you want kids of your own, with three already she may not want anymore...

[Gilps]

Nothing wrong with an age gap at all. I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 39. It's only an issue if either of you make it one.

[sutty]

Nothing wrong with an age gap at all. I'm 31 and my girlfriend is 39. It's only an issue if either of you make it one.

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It's different for non ugly b******s though mate.

[Gilps]

It's different for non ugly b******s though mate.

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Like you'd know

[sutty]

Like you'd know

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I look like Shane out of Westlife.

[Phil M (ET Crew)]

Tosh, the age is the lesser issue here. As I said it is very early days, far too early to call if this would lead anywhere. My main concern is the 3 children IF the relationship developed and how I would handle taking them on.

 

Also I always wanted my own children but that would be most unlikely in this case.

 

I'm not one for caring about what other people think, but thats not to say I won't listen to serious advise. The only person I would be slightly worried about what they thought would be my Mother, but she has already said very clearly, if I meet someone I like then that is all that matters.

 

So, walk away now as Stevie says at the potential risk of giving up something good, or go with it for now, but at the risk of finding I have taken on more than I can handle?

[DanielS]

Stevie H's new motto

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Nope, its "Waddle away now".

[Kahnee]

Phil - does her already having two kids mean the pair of you won't be able to have a child together?

 

And is having your own child a driving force in your life, or something you'd like in an ideal world.

 

Whatever the answers, I would say that its a) too early to call, and b) not a decision you should even think about making without several open and honest conversations with herself

Edited December 20, 2005 by Kahnee

[Eskimo]

Mate I think your opening sentence says it all "and in no rush to get seriously involved with someone else" it don't get more serious than 3 kids. Its not just your and this woman's feelings you have to take into account.

[matty]

the best advice is usually the most cliched, but here goes. take it easy, don't go getting carried away even if it feels really great in the first few dates. In a potentially complex relationship like this (what role does the father of her kids play, for example), you might be best off keeping the temperature under control before making any swift judgements.

 

Take your time, play it safe.

[Bigal]

I look like Shane out of Westlife.

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That lad from harry potter, cedric?

Goran Ivanesavic?

Patsy kensit?

[Phil M (ET Crew)]

Saying I was in no rush referred to me knowing I still had some emotional healing to do after my separation. (Totally my wife's call, I wanted us to stay together)

But it all keeps come back to raising the same questions about whether to follow heart or head.

 

I realise the kids feelings come into play too but they sound like they are old enough to know what the situation is for their mum and apparently they would like nothing more than their mum to find someone. She has had a couple of relationships since her divorce and it doesn't sound like it had any detrimental affect on the children.

 

Oh well, just have to see what happens tonight I guess. We may find that after spending more time together we are suited anyway!

[Des]

Take your time, play it safe.

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And always follow the Green Cross Code, right mate?

Edited December 20, 2005 by Des

[Huyton_Red]

Be carefull when getting involved in realtionships that involve kids of that age

 

My best mate is currently having an awful time with his bird and her kid, who is 12 and the spawn of satan

 

It is ruining his life, literally.

[Des]

Be carefull when getting involved in realtionships that involve kids of that age

 

My best mate is currently having an awful time with his bird and her kid, who is 12 and the spawn of satan

 

It is ruining his life, literally.

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A 12 year old is going to be a nightmare to deal with even if you're his/her real dad, ffs.

[Phil M (ET Crew)]

Matty, the father isn't really one to the kids, and they are old enough to realise he has little time for them. The mother has to force him to spend the occasional day with them. So if anything that makes it easier for any new partner to enter their lives, whether me or someone else. As I said above they are even encouraging their mum to find somone...

[matty]

And always follow the Green Cross Code, right mate?

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Oh Lord. I am Keggy Keegle.

[Kahnee]

Matty, the father isn't really one to the kids, and they are old enough to realise he has little time for them. The mother has to force him to spend the occasional day with them. So if anything that makes it easier for any new partner to enter their lives, whether me or someone else. As I said above they are even encouraging their mum to find somone...

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If its not the age, and its not the kids, all that seems to be left is whether you are ready for a new relationship or not - and that's not a question we can answer, sadly

[Guest JV]

walk away now before it's too late.

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The man talks sense.

[Dee]

whoa mate for a second...you have only just met this woman. Surely it's not time to be thinking about a life-long relationship / kids with her etc..

 

You should date her and let things happen naturally rather than worrying about the possible problems..

 

It also depends what you want from a relationship with this woman. It's very early days..

[matty]

Matty, the father isn't really one to the kids, and they are old enough to realise he has little time for them. The mother has to force him to spend the occasional day with them. So if anything that makes it easier for any new partner to enter their lives, whether me or someone else. As I said above they are even encouraging their mum to find somone...

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As Kahnee said, really. And as it's only four days into your 'relationship' I would say you've got plenty of time to decide how you want it to go. Don't want to be cynical either, but be sure that this lady isn't a little too keen to get a father figure back into her daughters' lives.

 

Sorry, that may actually be too cynical....and me, an old romantic.