915,810 Euros

smithdown · February 5, 2009

So long suckers!

I've just received a letter through the post informing me that I'm rich rich rich!!!

It's come "from the desk of the vice president of the international lotto commission", whoever he is, some fella called Juan Ella Mai by the look of the signature but it's not that clear, and it's all about something called the Loteria Primativa, which I've never heard of but then again I've never heard of the Loterias y Apuestas del Estado, no knowledge of it whatsoever, and that's not bothered me either as it seems that I've won and won well. They must have made a computer error or something because I haven't been to Spain for about five years and I don't play any lotteries out of principle. But feck them and hooray for me, I'll have it and I'll love it. That's nearly a million pounds. There's a photo of a couple accepting a cheque from another bloke and they're all smiling and it says Ministerio De Hacienda behind them. That's going to be me. There's all sorts of offical stamps photocopied onto it. I hope I haven't got anyone into trouble but this is too good to miss. Chances like this only come along once in a lifetime, even for me. Ha! The last line in the letter, they actually thank me for being part of their international promotions programme. The feckin mugs.

All as I have to do is fill in a form with some personal details and fax it to the Ocaso Security Company in Madrid. So long as they don't notice that they've made a massively stupid mistake I'm going to be feckin rolling in it. I'm going to fax it now, fair f*cks to them they've gone to the trouble of posting it all this way with a .62 euro stamp on it because there's a deadline and the money will go back to the Ministerio De Economia Y Hacienda if I don't get a wriggle on.

Stand by for another post where I tell you all exactly what I think of you now that I'll be spamming some double dipped gold rimmed forum based in Monte Carlo or Miami from now on with the rich witty erudite bandenage of the powerful and the distinguished like I've always known I really really deserve in the company of the likes of Peter Ustinov and Piers Morgan and you lot can all finally feck off to hell whirling round and about in the cesspits of your own making.

matty · February 5, 2009

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