Something had been bothering me

stressederic · November 20, 2008

I had a meeting with one of the lecturers at University today to discuss methodology when it comes to looking at diaries etc.

My research at the moment has been focused on looking at soldiers diaries in the Imperial War Museum from the Battle of the Marne in 1914 to see what the British soldiers thought of their encounters with the French.

It's very interesting and I'm doing what I've always wanted to do.

But you find things in (and on) the diaries that are difficult and unpleasant, and I hadn't fully realised how much some of it had been bothering me until I was in this meeting today, and the lecturer mentioned (in the context of the conversation) that she had heard of someone who had compiled confessions extracted by the Spanish Inquisition. Obviously it's a fascinating source of information but when you consider how it was taken, it's not pleasant. Apparently this guy said he'd felt like a grave robber.

That's exactly how I'd been feeling, I just hadn't realised it. I would never dream of walking into someones house and reading their diary, so what gave me the right to read a diary by someone who died over 90 years ago. One of the diaries was written by a really nice guy, I actually quite liked him and imagine if I we were both alive in the same place at the same time, I'd have gotten along really well with him. The diary just ends though and there's a stain on it and his death certificate. I felt like I'd just taken it off his dead body and was reading his private thoughts.

I didn't feel very proud of myself at the end of that day.

I think the research is interesting and important (hardly surprising) and so do other academics that I speak to, so with that in mind I'd like to think the people who wrote the diaries would understand and forgive me, but it is a bit uncomfortable.

I realise that this is all a little bit rambly but I'm viewing it as a cathartic exorcism.

smithdown · November 20, 2008

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