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Best man speech...... again


slapnuts

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Alreet chaps,

 

I have been asked to be best man at my mates wedding in a months time.

 

I have done it before and got a few tips and jokes off here, I was wondering if you have anymore as I am going to have to write another nerve racking speech :(

 

cheers

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I got a few tips from the groom's father on what it takes to make a successful marraige

He said you need to find a women who is a good mother, a woman who is a good lover and a woman who is a good cook.

But the most important thing is to ensure that these three women never meet

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The Oxford English Dictionary defines marriage as a legally recognized union of a man and a woman by ceremony or common law, and Bazza and Shazza show this to be true.

(pause for applause)

I wouldn't mind hanging oot the back of yon bridesmaid.

(pause for laughter)

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I like the line from Chandler in Friends when he's giving a speach at Ross' wedding. He says something along the lines of:

 

I known Ross for a long time. In fact, I knew him when he was going out with his first girlfriend and I thought things were going to work out for him......until the day he over inflated her.

 

However no-one laughs so dunno whether it'd be the best line to use!

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have done a few of these, so some serious advice.

1. Don't try to be anything other than yourself, everyone will see through it. Sincerity works.

2. Your audience will laugh more if they like you.

3. Make your audience like you by saying some really nice stuff about the bride and groom. You could use the 'old English tradition' idea that in olden days if the groom failed to show then to save face and make sure that the day/money wasn't wasted, the bride would marry the best man... it gives you a chance to compliment her and say about how happy she has made your mate - the audience will lap it up.

4. Structure the speech around a biography or key qualities/attributes of the bridegroom from the first time you met him. Structure it so that you make a joke about him, then give him some praise after it.

5. Never make jokes about the bride. A wedding day is a day of romance and her dad will kick your a*** if you upset her.

6. No references at all to the potential sexual act later in the evening

7. No reference at all to previous sex lives of the bride and groom, it's just tacky.

8. Forget spoof telegrams

9. Don't cry

10. Don't read it all verbatim from a script -make notes on cards and refer to them

11. Have a few drinks but no more.

 

You probably know all/most of the above, but it does no harm remembering them.

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Your mate is getting married twice in one year? I'm sure his missus will be pleased with that.

 

I have more than one friend. Not many more, granted. In fact, just the one more. And they both could be getting married next year.

Actually, looking at it like that, I need to bin one of them off sharpish. I can't be done with trying to be witty once a year, never mind twice.

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I have more than one friend. Not many more, granted. In fact, just the one more. And they both could be getting married next year.

Actually, looking at it like that, I need to bin one of them off sharpish. I can't be done with trying to be witty once a year, never mind twice.

 

Do your 2 friends know each other? If not just recycle the speech.

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Do your 2 friends know each other? If not just recycle the speech.

 

I was planning on doing that for the second bloke anyway. I was going to use the speech I did last time around, just changing the name, so as to avoid mentioning his first marriage.

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I have more than one friend. Not many more, granted. In fact, just the one more. And they both could be getting married next year.

Actually, looking at it like that, I need to bin one of them off sharpish. I can't be done with trying to be witty once a year, never mind twice.

Arrange for them to arrive at the church by horsedrawn carriage - then swap the 'Dearly beloved' for 'Ashes to Ashes' and problem solved! You have the power kahnee - shame to waste it. ;)

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