Kahnee

Those lovely guys at Transfer Room were also pumping out the Rabiot chatter - wants £160k a week, £12m signing fee I mean, so do I

Apparently Victor Moses is still alive, still has a pair of boots and was available on a free this summer

A new range of T-shirts in the club shop?

Grujc is coming home! (In other news, he's somehow now 28) (In other other news, we could buy the whole Boavista squad and still have change to not buy a proper midfielder)

She's with yours

I want updates from service stations across the country

First I'd have to re-read what he wrote and try and make sense of it. Then I'd have to re-read what I wrote to see if he'd made sense of that. And I have Monopoly to play.

You been talking to my girlfriend again?

I think we have to start getting our head around the fact that what we think we need (a traditional destroyer) and what a Slot system uses are not the same thing. If we just needed a guy to break up attacks, we have that in Endo. But he got dropped very early, because what Slot seems to want is someone to win the ball, keep it, protect it, and progress it. And in doing that, we need two other guys who can drop in to fill the gap as the '6' moves up the pitch. Not a lot seems to have been made by our pass completion rate on Sunday (93%, a 20-year Prem record), but that's where we're heading. He wants technical and intelligent, good in tight spaces, able to break the lines with a good pass. Trent can do that when he moves inside, Gravenberch can do that when he drifts wide. The one thing that's becoming clear is that apart from the back four, no one stays in one position. And for that we need players who know what they're doing in that system (which takes time and coaching). And from listening to people who know more than me, there aren't that many around. Even fewer are available (clubs have to want to sell after all), and at least one really loves a f***ing mountain (and he wasn't on anyone's radar at the start of the summer). Listening to That Guy who wrote That Book, the stats-led approach is pretty good at uncovering what a certain system needs. I do, optimistically granted, believe that if the near-perfect player was out there and available we'd make the move. I like to think that finally, the era of any body will do (Krompkamp, Degan, Benteke, Mello, Josemi, the original Nunez, Davies, Kabak, Minamino...) has been learnt from. But then I bought a version of Monopoly today because it has "3D BUILDINGS" so my judgement is not to be trusted.

b*****d. I was going to do that joke

In plain numbers terms, we now have six options for the three upfront positions. We also have six options for the three midfield positions. Quality and ability are a different chat, but in terms of depth we now have two for every position

And people were fretting that we wouldn't sign anyone....

Hincapie and Koopmeiners are back to being "monitored" and "considered", apparently Ahh, I see @Tommok reads the same page on the BBC app

I'm not defending anything, sweetie, calm down Oh come on, we all leave that important essay until the night before it's due in

Saying the right player isn't available?

And then when they make a decision we don't like....

Well the season ahead just took a turn

You say that, but after a tiring day negotiating...

Hang on... Case reads? Actual books? These really are the endtimes

Can't believe they hired someone to specifically tackle that problem. They don't even care about what they're not meant to care about. Yet another failing.

Me too. We're playing them Sunday

This is no time to beat around the bush

Why? Is he cup-tied for the league now?

More than someone who can actually score goals?

Just a passing thought, but from last year's top 3 City have signed a winger they don't really need from a club they already own (and have sold an £80m striker), Arsenal have bought a defender they didn't really need (and sold several academy graduates), while we almost signed the player we needed (who decided he preferred mountains) and have sold someone who was pretty good at Hull for 6 months. I know our fans aren't happy, but I'm guessing the other two lots aren't toasting their transfer business at this stage either. I don't think it's just us who are struggling to get deals done at the moment. I also think the final week is going to be mental and Gary Cotterill and Dharmesh Sheth are going to spontaneously combust around 10pm the night before the window closes. Live on air.