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By fans, for fans. By fans, for fans. By fans, for fans.

It's time for..


Murphman

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A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts "this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds

to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off

his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head

and shouts.. "Did anybody else here see my face?". The robber notices

another customer peering from behind a counter and goes over and shoots

him in the head also.

"Did anybody else see my face?" he shouts again, waving his gun around.

There is silence for a few seconds before an elderly male voice is heard

from a distant corner....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I think my missus caught a glimpse...."

 

:badoomtish:

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ok since its old shat joke time.

 

 

 

mate of mine is sports mad...goes to the footy home and away, spends all his money on memoribilia, spends the rest of his time either watching footy, rugby, cricket, gaelic, bowls, darts in fact any sport there is or else discussing it online in sports forums...one day he told me his wife was on the verge of leaving him cause of his sports obsession and the fact that he no longer spent any time with her

 

"ok" i said "make an effort lad...you do love her and its about time you showed her....give her a real treat this weekend.....book a nice secluded table, show her you still care and discuss what you can do to make it up to her"

 

he said hed give it a go.

 

 

I met him the following week and he said "well thanks a bunch mate....that advice you gave me just made it worse.....the atmosphere was hellish...i think shes definitely going to leave now

 

"why what happened" i asked

 

"well I booked the table for 8pm as you suggested but by 9.30 she still hadnt potted a red!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

sorry.

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A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot..

There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

 

'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.

 

The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of Prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'

 

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

 

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

 

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

 

'New house, new madam.'

 

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'

 

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.'

 

The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation,

Considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

 

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

 

The bird looked at him and said,

 

 

 

 

 

'Hi Keith'

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Chelsea have brought out a new brand of vodka called Terryov, after their Captain John Terry.

 

Made in London

 

Bottled in Moscow.

 

 

God keeps me alive in the hope that I will see the day Hassony stops posting Romario's.

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They found her diary this week.

 

Thursday. Stayed in.

Friday. Stayed in.

Saturday. Stayed in.

Sunday. F*cked dad. Stayed in.

 

Thursday. Stayed in. Dad f***ed me.

 

Friday. Stayed in. Dad came down and f***ed me.

 

Saturday. Stayed in. f***ed by dad again.

 

Sunday. Went to watch the Everton game. Wish I'd stayed in.

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