Just back from the pub

Murphman · October 4, 2006

I've had a couple of but I'll do my best with this story. I can't do it justice but I'll do my best. A few background facts...

My local is the sleepiest village pub on the planet.

We have a village hall which is available for hire, generally jumble sales and kids parties.

Most of the lads I drink with are f*cking big rugby playing c*nts. This is a coincidence, not by design, I get mocked for never having played the game.

Pearcey had 24 amateur fights winning 18 of them at middleweight.Don't mess with Pearcey.

Plum the butcher is 6'5" and thinks he's the funniest man on the planet.

Most of them are big enough not to give a sh*t.

Oh yes, lest I forget Pearcy is married to a black lass and they have kids. Riight....

My missus dropped me off but couldn't park, cars everywhere. I walked in to be greeted by much effing and blinding from a skinhead with a black bomber jacket, nasty horrible bald headed pissed up vicious looking c*nt who wouldn't move when I asked to get by. I had my pint....

A fella came in with a tattooed head, stared at everybody then told the guvnor the fella in the black jacket would cause trouble, he'd been thrown outr of their meeting and was dying to pick a fight which he promptly did with one of the lads who luckily for him defused the situation.

Pearcey walked in 'oh it's that c*nt again, last time I saw him was 3 months ago, I was throwing Nazi salutes at him, he's in the BNP the c*nt, with a bit of luck he'll want some. Pearcy promptly starts eyeballing this fecker who slowly realisied he was alone and out of his depth and stopped effing and blinding whilst retreating with as much decorum as a coward can muster.

The landlord gets wind, asks a few of the lads to help him out, the pub is filling up and the rugby crowd are getting in, all of them big feckers so macho skinhead man starts to shat himself, in the end he calls a taxi.

Then the Asian cabbie turns up!! Apologiies for frivolity and we should have warned the cabbie but were too busy, general pissing ourselves laughing at Nazi man ensues and off he went.

Then my next door neighbour turns up, Ms stuck up, goes in the small bar for a quiet evening away from the riff raff.

Then at 10pm the door opens and Nick Griffin walks in with a crowd straight out of Star Wars, they look in and go into the bar next door (where Ms Snooty is having a quiet drink.

This is where Plum the Butcher kicks off. I have a photo to back this up, it sounds like bullsh*t thank f*ck for mobile camera phone, from f*ck knows where Plum finds two YES TWO WW2 tin hats. He goes behind the bar all 6'5" of him and says 'Last orders gentkklemen please, those disobeying orders will be SHOT!!

He then asked if anybody had stolen the frankfurters off the bar which is a bit corny but what the f*ck. The place was in uproar, not one of the Illinois Nazi's fancied having a pop at Pearcey or Plum.

F*ck em and good night.

Edited October 4, 2006 by Murphman

madaboutlfc · October 4, 2006

This post is not viewable to guests.

You can sign in to your account at the login page here