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Pathological / Compulsive liars


Zoob

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My fiancee and I are currently embroiled in an argument with fiancee's ex-husband, who is a born again Christian, child abusing pathological / compulsive liar. Oh, and he's a control freak too.

 

by April 2nd, he was meant to povide us - in writing - with request for summer dates when he would have custody of their 6 yr old daughter. He claims to have done this ages ago, but we definitely did not receive anything.

 

Over the last 3 weeks, we've actually been friendly and tried to be flexible, and have simply been asking him to give us the dates again. He keeps saying he'll find the e-mail and re-send it, but he's basically lying. There was no e-mail, and if there was, he could have just re-sent it. And if he'd specified dates, there would have been a reason for those dates (i.e. he's taking time off work), these dates would still apply, and he could just tell us them again. But he's chosen not to do that.

 

I'm thinking of telling him that if he can foward the original e-mail he claims to have sent, then I will donate 500 pounds to a charity of his choice. But what I am concerned about, is that when you forward a mail, you can just change the date of the original mail, so does anyone know if there is any way to verify when the original mail that has been forwarded was actually sent?

 

This guy really is a piece of work. He was found guilty of child abuse because he spanked his daughter to the point of bruising her, and yet claims the bruises came from something else (he even took the local authority and social workers to court to try to overturn the verdict - obviously he failed). After 18 months of only supervised visitation, he now gets every other weekend with his daugher. First weekend there, he punnished her for wetting the bed. Other times, he punishes her by taking her security blanket away.

 

I'm just so sick of the fact that he is a scumbag father, and he gets away with lying all the time.

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Guest Prongsy

Bury the f***er alive, that'll both teach him a lesson about beating up kids and make sure he can't do it again.

 

I've been known to overreact but I think it's the only reasonable solution.

 

Seriously, if he's convicted for child abuse, why does she let him see her - is it a legal requirement, because if your lass thinks there is any risk to the child, surely she can stop it.

 

I hate these f***ing weasels.

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Bury the f***er alive, that'll both teach him a lesson about beating up kids and make sure he can't do it again.

 

I've been known to overreact but I think it's the only reasonable solution.

 

Seriously, if he's convicted for child abuse, why does she let him see her - is it a legal requirement, because if your lass thinks there is any risk to the child, surely she can stop it.

 

I hate these f***ing weasels.

 

There was an 18 month 'protection from abuse' court order, which meant he only had supervised visitations 1 day and 1 evening a week, but after that expired, we had to go to court to get a new court order. The judge didn't give a crap; The father was supposed to have undergone counselling and anger management courses, but had not done so. The family therapist said the daugher was not ready to resume normal visitation, but the judge just wasn't bothered. And the born again Christian man swore on the bible to tell the truth, told a pack of lies, and the court restored normal visitation.

 

 

No, unless you have access to his mail account.

 

Maybe I could ask him of a screen shot of his sent items. I doubt he has the time or intelligence to photo-shop anything clever.

Edited by Zoob
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Instead of giving £500 to charity, just pay it to some 'bloke down the pub' to go and pay this c*nt a 'visit'. If you get my drift.

You grow in my estimation daily.

 

Use the £500 to pay a private dick to trail him during the time the daughter is with him, then use any evidence against him to stop the visitations.

 

Has anyone asked the wee girl what she would like?

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Has anyone asked the wee girl what she would like?

 

Her opinion carries no legal weight until she is 12 :ohmy:

Hence although she is often really nervous / scared before visits, and although her counsellor said she was not ready to resume normal visitation, it just doesn't matter. He has another 6 years to cause her psycological damage before she gets to say whether or not she wants to keep on seeing him.

 

Just a couple weeks ago, she had been talking in class (once) and it was on her report card. The father gave her a choice of punishments - spanking, taking her security blanket away, or soap in the mouth. :unsure: He'd have had a great time in the Victorial era...

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Just a couple weeks ago, she had been talking in class (once) and it was on her report card. The father gave her a choice of punishments - spanking, taking her security blanket away, or soap in the mouth. :unsure: He'd have had a great time in the Victorial era...

 

Can't you just refuse visitation rights, sure it would go to court, but if what you say is true and you get her to tell the judge the stuff you are telling us then they will stop this. From what you said above the man is not a fit person to be in charge of a 6yr old alone. Just tell him to feck off next visitation time. Stop being reasonable.

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Guest Prongsy
Her opinion carries no legal weight until she is 12 :ohmy:

Hence although she is often really nervous / scared before visits, and although her counsellor said she was not ready to resume normal visitation, it just doesn't matter. He has another 6 years to cause her psycological damage before she gets to say whether or not she wants to keep on seeing him.

 

Just a couple weeks ago, she had been talking in class (once) and it was on her report card. The father gave her a choice of punishments - spanking, taking her security blanket away, or soap in the mouth. :unsure: He'd have had a great time in the Victorial era...

Well soap in the mouth is child abuse and the threat of which is probably enough to stop unsupervised visits.

 

Seriously, if he's as bad as you're saying he is - don't let it go any futher, time to step the whole thing up.

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Well soap in the mouth is child abuse and the threat of which is probably enough to stop unsupervised visits.

 

Seriously, if he's as bad as you're saying he is - don't let it go any futher, time to step the whole thing up.

 

We'd like to, but the problem is that he's a member of the local church, and as I said, he's a pathological liar. So on the surface, he comes across as very respectable, and even though he didn't undergo counselling or anger management - and told a pack of lies in court which the judge just didn't care about investigating - , he's still got normal visitation back. Going to court again just means spending thousands of pounds we don't have, and then having to do it all again when he inevitably appeals any decision that goes against him.

Edited by Zoob
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Has anyone asked the wee girl what she would like?

she wets the bed once and now shes the "wee girl"....incredibly harsh DD.

 

 

sounds a total c***...cant something be done to say that reasonable efforts have been made to accomodate him visitation dates but hes not playing ball...legal action?

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Guest Prongsy

Christians have to abide by the law just as much as anyone else and threatening to put soap in her mouth as a punishment needs to be reported quickly.

 

If the law won't look after your [wife's] kid, then you both need to. I don't mean that to sound like a lecture, just to pat you on the back and say 'do what you've got to do'.

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Guest Prongsy
gosh really...heres me thinking you were actually calling her the Wee Girl. :rolleyes:

 

:D

 

Well, I thought it was funny.

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We'd like to, but the problem is that he's a member of the local church, and as I said, he's a pathological liar. So on the surface, he comes across as very respectable, and even though he didn't undergo counselling or anger management - and told a pack of lies in court which the judge just didn't care about investigating - , he's still got normal visitation back. Going to court again just means spending thousands of pounds we don't have, and then having to do it all again when he inevitably appeals any decision that goes against him.

 

If you just tell him to feck off, get the social services involved (i.e tell them what his daughter told you) it's then up to him to take you to court for custody. It can't be that easy getting decent access to a child otherwise there wouldn't be all those dads getting dressed up as Spiderman and Batman. The law is heavily weighted in your favour so just stop him seeing her unsupervised. The ball is then in his court.

 

P.S. Have you spoken to the NSPCC about help with possible legal costs or just help with getting this sorted ?

Edited by Woodsyla
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Guest Prongsy
The law is heavily weighted in your favour so just stop him seeing her unsupervised. The ball is then in his court.

 

It is, unfairly in my opinion, but whilst it is you might aswell use it in her favour.

 

As far as I see it you've got a guy that has previous for child abuse that's threatening to make the little one eat soap of get a smack - easily enough there to do something.

Edited by Prongsy
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If you just tell him to feck off, get the social services involved (i.e tell them what his daughter told you) it's then up to him to take you to court for custody. It can't be that easy getting decent access to a child otherwise there wouldn't be all those dads getting dressed up as Spiderman and Batman. The law is heavily weighted in your favour so just stop him seeing her unsupervised. The ball is then in his court.

 

P.S. Have you spoken to the NSPCC about help with possible legal costs or just help with getting this sorted ?

 

I'm from the UK, but my Fiancee and daughter are American, so we're living in the US. Would one day like to take the whole family back to the UK, but for the moment, we're living in a nice house here, and couldn't afford something half the size back home...

 

I have a friend in England and he's being denied access to visit his daughter. It makes me feel sick that he's a good guy who can't see his daughter, and my (soon to be) step-daughter's dad is an a*** and he has access. Things are different here - we had a neighbor whose ex-husband was in jail for some violent crime, but she still couldn't get sole custody of their kid.

 

The whole court experience was just evidence that the less money you have, the more the legal system screws you. We did look into getting some sort of legal aid, but my fiancee is just over the earnings threshold needed.

 

For the court case, we had so much evidence that showed what a bad guy he was, and what a liar he was, but the judge just really didn't care. Maybe we'll get luckier next time, but we just don't have thousands to spend on another court case. All we can do is make our home a kind and peaceful haven, and at least the daugher is with us 90% of the time. The dad is an idiot but I think he just about has enough brain cells to know that if he touches her again, he'll lose custody for good.

 

It's having to deal with the psycological affect he has on her, and the fact that he's always doing as much as he can do inconvenience us that worries me...

 

One day he'll get what he deserves. People who lie like he does, will eventually trip themselves up with the lies, and hopefully that will happen in court in front of a judge who does give a crap...

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could you not email him stating that the originals were either never sent or were never received by you.

 

That way if he keeps dicking you around you have proof on your system that you were trying to amend the situation.

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Guest Susie

This bloke sounds awful and I can't imagine what your step daughter goes through every time she has to visit him. I would refuse him access, I really would.

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