s*** christmas presents

Spike · November 24, 2006

Had this discussion in the pub after work tonight.

One lass was saying how last week her and her folks went shopping and her dad stopped at a market stall looking at watches. After having a look at a few and showing a bit of interest, the fella at the stall started encouraging him to try some on, giving the best sales patter he could. The Dad mused over the various qualities and on the stall holder's various suggestions whittled down to the two best watches he liked. However, as he didn't have the money to pay there and then said he'd come back later and get the one he preferred.

Sharp thinking daughter, short for ideas for gifts, then secretly sneaks back whilst they're in another shop and buys the one that got the most positive response. Happily paying for it, sans receipt, and then secreting it in her bag and away from her dad.

On the way home they get to talking about how good the watches were, to which her dad says they were all s*** and he was only being polite to the fella at the store.

As for myself, I used to have a rich auntie who bought the s***test gifts ever.

Highlights included:

A set of sharks teeth in a bag

A pocket warmer - yeah my pockets are always cold and for many a winter I'd suffered from cold pockets. The fact it was a single pocket warmer as well made me constantly question which was the colder pocket of the two. As a result one pocket soon accused me of favouring the other. A great gift, and always one to consider for any 9 year old who needs to carry around a small, self contained oven in his cotton slacks.

A compendium of Biographies: Peter Sellars, Clint Eastwood and David Niven. I was 10 FFS!

And more recently, last Christmas, my brother bought me a 'grow your own girlfriend'. A small blue 1 inch lady which when in water grows to about 8 inches. To this day I still can't understand the thought process behind the decision to buy it, although I imagine he envisioned something like this:

Me getting home from work and in need of a laugh or a bit of company, as I live on my own, I put said girlfriend in water. Wait excitedly for an hour then bring 'her' out, laughing as the concept is so funny, and then place 'her' next to me to watch telly, discuss problems at work, and then finally discuss what Newsnight have reported on before she shrinks back down to one inch again, then me going to bed laughing and unable to sleep such was the hilarity of the whole thing.

The one thing I'm dreading this year is someone seeing an ad for those interactive dvd quizzes and thinking 'Chris likes football - I'll get him one of those'

November 24, 2006

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