Viz

Des · June 12, 2007

still spot on about Bonio.

"U2 front man Bono has finally stepped down from his position as Britain's biggest tw at. And after spending 10 years as the country's premier t it, the pint-sized gobsh*te is expected to pass on his wan ker mantle to fellow di ckhead popstar Sting!

"I've had a fantastic decade as the UK's biggest tosspot," he told Radio 4's Jim Naughtie. "I've made cringeworthy speeches at Labour Party Conferences, I've campaigned on green issues while having my hat flown halfway around the world in a jumbo jet and I've used my vast wealth to pursue former employees through the courts for the return of a pair of trousers."

"I've acted like an absolute bellend to the best of my abilities, but now it's time to take a back seat".

Bono refused to speculate on who would take over from him as the UK's foremost tw at, but analysts believe it is practically certain that the appointment will go to the a*sehole Sting. "Sting's got all the right credentials," an insider told us. "He bangs on about environmental issues while advertising Jaguar cars and Concorde, he says he lives simply but has two butleras and a private jet, and he reckons that cancer is caused by 'undigested dreams'. The man is an utter tool."

Edited June 12, 2007 by Des

Gilps · June 12, 2007

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