Football quotes of the season

[Maldini]

"These so-called big stars are people we are supposed to be looking up to. Well, they are weak and soft. If they don't want to come because their wife wants to go shopping in London, it's a sad state of affairs. The idea of women running the show concerns me and worries me, but the players we're talking about are soft. Priorities have changed in footballers and they are being dictated to by their wives."

Roy Keane on the difficulty of tempting players to Sunderland

 

 

 

 

 

"If I have offended any Croatians, then they have my deepest apologies."

Tony Henry after singing, in Croatian, "My penis is a mountain" during his rendition of the Croatian national anthem at Wembley. He should have sung, "How we love your mountains".

 

"The Croatians think it's great, and they've invited him to come over and sing at Euro 2008 and asked if he will be their mascot."

 

Henry's agent reveals there are no hard feelings

"

I read in your papers that no Croatian would start in the England team - that's ridiculous, wake up."

Slaven Bilic, Croatia manager, after his side ended England's Euro 2008 hopes

 

"I don't think any of the Croatian team would get into our team."

Michael Owen gives his verdict on England's subsequent 2010 World Cup draw. Oh dear

 

 

 

"The style of how we play is very important. But it is omelettes and eggs. No eggs - no omelettes! It depends on the quality of the eggs. In the supermarket you have class one, two or class three eggs and some are more expensive than others and some give you better omelettes. So when the class one eggs are in Waitrose and you cannot go there, you have a problem."

Mourinho is desperate for Chelsea to scramble a win

 

"I would love to gather all the fans together to say goodbye but they would crush me with their love."

Mourinho departs

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Why don't they invest in football in America? You don't think they came here for the football. They don't know what football is... They just want to make money."

Michel Platini, warns against American owners

 

"I didn't know it was against the rules."

Cabofriense defender Cleberson after being booked for kissing the referee at the Maracana

 

 

 

 

 

"Beautiful game, beautiful girls."

Announcer at the opening ceremony of the women's World Cup in China, mispronouncing Fifa's slogan, "Beautiful game, beautiful goals"

 

 

 

 

 

"Big Trev will be missed when he goes back to Peterborough. He's a funny character to have around and a big strong lad - reminds me of an elephant seal."

Richard Money, the Walsall manager, paying tribute to on-loan striker Trevor Benjamin

 

 

"I don't know why he's called me an elephant seal... except for my changing room party trick where I shuffle along on my stomach and catch fish from the other players!"

Trevor Benjamin responding with a touch of sarcasm when asked on local news about Walsall manager Richard Money's comparison of him to an elephant seal.

 

 

 

 

 

“The England team needs more of a psychologist than a tactician.”

Fabio Capello, before he was named the new manager of England.

 

 

“The fact that a segment of the world worships an inferior product in the Premiership is their business. In England our league is considered second-class but I honestly believe if you took a helicopter and grabbed a bunch of MLS players and took them to the perceived best league in the world they wouldn’t miss a beat and the fans wouldn’t notice any drop in quality.”

Alexi Lalas, General Manager of the LA Galaxy

 

 

 

“Despite the global warming, England is still not warm enough for him.”

Arsene Wenger, manager of Arsenal, commented on why Jose Reyes will return to Spain

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I feel OK. The only difference is in training you have the press - and they want to come back home and sleep with you.”

Barcelona striker Thierry Henry on his intimate relationship with the Spanish hacks.

 

“I am not the ‘Special One’. I’m the normal one. But my wife says I am special. What am I like? I am 180cm.”

New Chelsea manager Avram Grant on what makes him special.

 

 

"They'll be all right. They'll be safe."

Roy Keane when asked about Manchester United's prospects for the season.

 

 

 

"Nothing surprises me in football but if I said I was astounded that would be an understatement."

Ray Wilkins on Jose Mourinho's departure from Chelsea.

 

 

 

"As miscarriages of justice go, this was up there with the Birmingham Six."

Sports writer Simon Hart in the Telegraph on West Ham's one-shot April win against Arsenal, who dominated the other 89 minutes, 55 seconds

 

 

"Our objective is keep Arsenal English, albeit with a lot of foreign players."

Peter Hill-Wood, chairman of Arsenal, redefines "Englishness". As in, not actually that English at all.

 

 

 

"Ryan O'Leary had to come on in the second half because Simon Ford was feeling his groin at half-time."

Comment from Kilmarnock Manager Jim Jeffries after the game v Hearts.

 

 

 

Michael Owen: "I've worked my nuts off to get here."

Sky Sports interviewer: "How are you feeling now?"

Owen: "My groin is a bit sore."

No wonder really!

 

 

 

"I think Peter Schmeichel will be a father-figure for Kasper."

Jamie Redknapp

 

 

 

"I'd compare him to the incomparable George Best."

David Pleat singing Cristiano Ronaldo's praises during Man Utd's win over Roma

 

 

As always I am focused on training and coaching my team.

 

- Rafa Benitez

 

 

Anyone got any more?

[Cheesecake]

"Fergie Fergie Shut yer face"

 

as sung by that drunk guy in some London train station a while back.