Mourinho on Melons

[Gilps]

Barking

 

"It is very difficult to win every competition but I don't understand why people put this kind of pressure on Chelsea and not on the others," he said, emerging triumphantly from a skip clutching two used cigarette butts, a can of White Lightning and Claudio Pizarro. "People ask Chelsea, last season you won two trophies; why did you not win four? But not many journalists ask Rafael Benitez and Arsene Wenger, why zero? And not many people ask the MU Rowdies, why only the Premiership?"

 

On he went, as the Fiver took leave of its eyeballs with a sharpened coathanger. "Is it about money? If it is, I hope that next season the media put pressure on the big spenders because the big spenders for sure will not be Chelsea. The big spenders will be Liverpool, the Rowdies, Tottenham." That's the same Tottenham who are 150-1 to win next season's Premiership, compared to Chelsea's 6-4. And we all know that the bookies, like Walter Sobchak, are never wrong. Mourinho, however, seems to think he has been asked to win next season's Premiership with a few embryos, a copy of the Bosman ruling, an empty KFC Bargain Bucket and Paulo Ferreira.

 

The Fiver, from its Pomposity and Pontification Fence, reckons that either Mourinho a) has gone off on one yet again like the clown he is or b) is ostensibly talking rubbish but is actually using shrewd waste management to ramp up a siege mentality that enables Chelsea to play at their absolute best. Either way, you'll like the next quote.

 

"Young players are a little bit like melons - only when you open them up and taste the melon are you 100 per cent that it is good," he said, as sales of white coats went up by 54%. "Sometimes you have beautiful melons but they don't taste very good; other melons are a bit ugly and when you open them the taste is fantastic. The way Scott Sinclair played against Arsenal and the Rowdies - we know the melon we have." Chelsea have a complete melon all right. It's a Special One.