Mackem letter on RR sport

[Cliff M]

OK I think I might of over done it at Asda lately. Meg got this through the post on Friday.........

 

Dear Mrs. F......n,

 

While we thank you for your valued custom at Asda, the Manager of our store in Sunderland is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

 

1. July 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.

 

2. August 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

 

3. August 17: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

 

4. August 29: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.

 

5. September 6: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

 

6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

 

7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

 

8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.

 

9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.

 

10. November 23: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

 

11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

 

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

 

13. January 11: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

 

And the final straw was:

 

14. January 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

 

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Charles Brown

 

Store Manager, Asda Sunderland.

[charlie clown]

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