Darwin Awards 2006

[DaveLFC]

Darwin Awards

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are

bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the

glorious winners:

 

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim

during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot

did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel

and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

 

And now, the honorable mentions:

 

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting

machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his

insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its

men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a

finger. The chef's claim was approved.

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman

had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver

found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting

from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his

incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone

waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the

mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable

and prone to bizarre fantasies The deception wasn't discovered for 3

days.

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head

wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the

injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close

he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he

man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the

clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,

leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got

from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you

money, is a crime

committed?)

 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that

he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some

booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head

at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief

on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made

of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and

ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give

them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police

apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the

store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there

for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.

That's the lady I stole the purse from."

 

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and

demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion

rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,

frustrated, walked away.

 

******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on

a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police

arrived

at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home

near

spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying

to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's

sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press

charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Edited January 28, 2006 by DaveLFC

[Herbie von Smalls]

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