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Zoob

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good move my man, was thinking of doing the same myself, though what the f*** do you say.

 

Anyway...apparently theres some radical new treatment for CJD that cured one man last year but didnt for anyone else, our mate is just back from eurodisney and is heading into hospital to begin this treatment.

 

everything crossed.

I just said: "What is there to say...?" and just gave her a hug. We had a good talk, though.

 

And, yes, everything crossed.

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Where’s Zoob gone btw?

 

This was his show and it’s gone the same way as the last thread

 

This thread really just emphasizes what an absolute f***** life can be. Reading about OM's friend who has CJD just made me feel sick. Am so sorry about that. Also reading about how common these sort of marriage/relationship problems are is kind of shocking. 

 

Bailo - You're lucky you don't have kids. Not to downplay your situation, but I think that no kids makes the possible paths you can take far less complicated. You're certainly not an emotional coward, but I can totally relate to why you would say that. There are times I think the same about myself. Or that I'm suffering from some variant of Stockholm syndrome...

 

Been a f***ing weird couple weeks or so. Just been insanely busy, and on top of that, I was logged out of the site, and could not for the life of me remember my password. Tried to have it re-set, but would always say I got the captcha wrong, even when I know I did not. Managed to find the password as I randomly had it saved on my mobile..

 

Then, a few days after my last post on here, my 8 year old started talking about killing herself. It's probably the most shocking and depressing and heartbreaking thing I've ever heard. It also totally devastated my wife, who generally is less well equipped to deal with anything/everything. We spoke to our family doctor about it, and my daughter is going to start counselling. I now don't really think the suicide talk is genuine. Most of the time she's happy and the suicide talk comes out when she's a combination of exhausted and frustrated. Maybe she's even saying it because she knows it scares and hurts us. But she has big emotions and also impulse control problems, so it is scary when she says things like "next time I'm in the pool I'm just going to let myself drown" or "if I feel the same way I do now at the start of next year, I'll definitely kill myself" . I do worry that at one of those moments when she feels so devastated and upset, she might impulsively do something really stupid. 

 

So - aside from forgetting my password, I just haven't had much time or energy to even be online recently... 

 

And Molby - to answer your question re what I get from my wife... if I'm brutally honest and strip it down, then what I get from her is access to my kids, access to help make their lives better. They didn't ask to come into this world. Having kids is fundamentally a selfish thing to do. Appreciate that there is a balance - there comes a time when if things get so bad at home, then my being here, and being depressed and angry does not help, but I'm not quite there yet. I'm the one who puts them to bed, and gets up in the night with them and yells at them less, and tries to put limits on screen time... I worry that things for them would be much worse if I wasn't around. At the same time, I know from speaking to my brothers and to friends that the one sided nature of my relationship is not normal. I'm missing out on the care, affection and two way street that a healthy relationship should be. The load I'm carrying is too heavy, and is not sustainable. 

 

I'm still taking a huge amount of joy and satisfaction that we won the European Cup. This is when footie really is like a super lifeline. I think about it, and our 4-0 vs Barca, and all those good endorphins get released again. 

Edited by Zoob

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Sounds rough that Zoob. If it's any consolation my youngest is a year younger and although hasn't said she wants to kill herself has said some really saddening things that kick you in the guts. I think it's an attention thing and looking for some love. If there's tension with you and your wife she may just be bouncing off that as it confuses her. No harm getting people who know what they are talking about to check her out though.

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Good luck Zoob. I really hope things work out and you get happiness in your life. To me, you are clearly a caring, loving guy and I’m sure that everyone on this forum feels that about you. Best of luck mate. You deserve a great life.

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Thanks folks. Being human is tough. I think being a kid these days is tough too. Not sure if it's because of the technology, but kids and teenagers seem far more anxious and sad than they were back in the day. Boon - You could be right. Normally wife and I don't let the kids see the tension, but think we've both slipped recently. My 8 yr old is what they also call "twice exceptional over here - meaning she's exceptionally advanced in some ways, but also exceptionally behind in others. Must make for a lot of confusion and frustration in her young brain. 

 

I sometimes wish I could be more selfish. Also realize that many of my wife's shortcomings are just the way she is programmed rather than because she's mean or a bad person. She's just limited, and I have to take some responsibility for having married her and having had kids with her. Probably the fact that I was raised by a single mum makes it harder for me to subject my kids to the same. As others can relate to, it's just hard to be the one who has to stay strong all the time, carry that extra weight, and deal with the ongoing constant negativity. Our first marriage counselor said I was "idiotically stoical" and I think he was probably right. 

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yeah Zoob , good luck with it my man, kids know what triggers to hit and to get the reaction, and mummy and daddy panicking together is a means of getting them together too. My daughter hasn't said anything as drastic as that but she did a few weeks ago threaten to join the British Army, ok she immediately followed it up with "actually no Im not" but still..but in the end zoob your are responsible for having married her and having kids, but your responsibility is also to yourself, as my counsellor says children dont remember the fact that mummy and daddy stayed together for their sake, they remember the relationship they had with their mum and dad and the time they spent with them and the love and happiness they gave whether as a couple or as individuals.

 

 

Anyway an update from My mates wife the other day:

 

Ok, so we have seen the specialists today. It seems Rory  is not one in a million, he's one in 4 billion or something like that. Rory's has a specific strain or mutation or something of sporadic cjd that there has only ever been one other person ever recorded as having. It is affecting speech and memory but not really any physical problems. The good news is that it seems to be a slower moving strain. The person in the USA lived for ten years post diagnosis.... Not getting hopes up too much, but this is much better news than we were expecting. They may be able to offer some help for speech and memory and we will be up in London shortly for tests etc

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Still pretty grim OM - Obviously better than "they're gonna die" but it's like there's some hope there, but also more unknowns. And since it's such a rare strain and only 1 other person with it, they don't have much data to go on. Fingers crossed for your mate. 

 

 

re marriage - I work with data and I have a weird need to quantify things - so those that are married / in long term relationship - in a typical month, what proportion of time would you say your relationship is good vs. bad vs somewhere in the middle? and what do you think is the minimum/maximum acceptable levels for good and bad? I think for me, typically things are Good maybe 10% of the time, bad 30% of the time, and somewhere in the middle 60% of the time.  Could even be more bad and less middle. Think if my good and bad were swapped I'd be ok with that, but it's hard when there's far more bad and meh vs. good. 

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Anyway things get put into perspective......one of the best mates of Herbie von smalls, Duncan and myself found out yesterday he has Creutzfeldt-Jacobs Disease and basically has months to live, last night him and his missus were going to sit down their 9 year old boy to tell him.

 

 

 he died on Saturday morning in bed with his kid cuddling him and his wife holding his hand.

 

lifes a c*** sometimes.

 

78171090_10158374579744298_7923952552150

 

 

RIP big man

Edited by Ostrich Man

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That's grim. poor wee lad.

 

Wife's bestie had half her innards removed in a 13 hour op yesterday. Along with (hopefully all of) a f*** off tumor. With luck she'll be out of hosp for Christmas.

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