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Swan Red

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You're like my own personal bubble-burster in this thread, DaneilS.

 

I'm losing my irony gene from being in the US so I keep having these bursts of literalness. Sorry.

 

At leas I didn't reply to Ostrich with an example of a very, very reasonably priced 3-bed detached house in a mid-sized US city like I was going to when he mentioned "poor people" having a decent house.

 

Follow her. Everywhere.

 

Then you'll get to know her likes - e.g. if she smokes, you can go up to her on the train & ask for a light

 

Or maybe she'll notice you one day (following her) and become intrigued which will quickly turn to love.

 

Nailed on winning solutions there

 

Or black your face up, kidnap her and tell her that she is your wife now in a weird, gruff voice. Oh, and call her Dave.

Edited by DanielS

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There's a girl who gets the same train as me home from town and I really fancy her. There's no way I can talk to her on a packed train without sounding like a big massive weirdo is there?

Spill something on her

It's a great conversation starter

 

If you want, I will script the whole conversation for you so you can't go wrong

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There's a girl who gets the same train as me home from town and I really fancy her. There's no way I can talk to her on a packed train without sounding like a big massive weirdo is there?

Pack a piece in your waistband. A Luger would be cool, not egg and onion. Oh, and be careful not to shoot yourself in the dick or a***.

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Spill something on her

It's a great conversation starter

 

If you want, I will script the whole conversation for you so you can't go wrong

 

Why are you even asking. Of course I want you to.

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There's a girl who gets the same train as me home from town and I really fancy her. There's no way I can talk to her on a packed train without sounding like a big massive weirdo is there?

 

does she get on or off at the same stop? Ice only needs to be broken once.

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Why are you even asking. Of course I want you to.

Yes of course, was just being polite

 

Sion: oh no, I'm so sorry, are you ok, did you get hurt?

Lady: (quizzical look) no I'm fine (rubbing her coat)

Sion: ( producing monogrammed hanky) here let me help you; in fact this won't do at all; do you get a lunch break? Yes of course you do, it's the law; I'll meet you at lunch and we'll buy you a new coat

 

 

The rest takes care of itself, some ad libbing required

And remember Sion, it's not the sausage it's the sizzle

 

Another thing: if for whatever reason she won't meet you for lunch, just talk to her each day with coat-related bantz and you'll be stepping out in no time

 

If she's married then just say "couldn't you get a divorce? "

You'd be surprised how often that works

 

If you don't ask, you don't get and ladies appreciate the chutzpah

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does she get on or off at the same stop? Ice only needs to be broken once.

 

She gets off at Waterloo and I get off at Formby. Its like we're Branson and Sybil from Downton Abbey. I'm Sybil obviously.

 

 

Yes of course, was just being polite

 

Sion: oh no, I'm so sorry, are you ok, did you get hurt?

Lady: (quizzical look) no I'm fine (rubbing her coat)

Sion: ( producing monogrammed hanky) here let me help you; in fact this won't do at all; do you get a lunch break? Yes of course you do, it's the law; I'll meet you at lunch and we'll buy you a new coat

 

 

The rest takes care of itself, some ad libbing required

And remember Sion, it's not the sausage it's the sizzle

 

Another thing: if for whatever reason she won't meet you for lunch, just talk to her each day with coat-related bantz and you'll be stepping out in no time

 

If she's married then just say "couldn't you get a divorce? "

You'd be surprised how often that works

 

If you don't ask, you don't get and ladies appreciate the chutzpah

 

I like this, you have to buy a ticket to win the lottery. Although I'm a little hesitant about spilling hot liquid on a strange girl if i'm honest.

 

She isn't wearing a wedding ring (i'm not that much of an amateur) so assume she has a vindictive boyfriend at worst.

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Move to Waterloo else manufacture a reason to get off, alternately go with Molby's suggestion which seems a definite winner to me.

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I live in Waterloo

 

Perhaps I can offer more direct assistance

 

Do you have a niece?

Don't want this to get creepy like.

Edited by Sion

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I think I was about 14 when I realised that they weren't actually having sex in movies

 

You're watching the wrong movies.

 

Spill something on her

Y'see, Molby has the right idea.

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surreptitiously inject her with a tiny amount of heroin every time you sit next to her, she will slowly become addicted and only feel good when she's near you.

 

love will follow as sure as night follows day....

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No need to tip a hot beverage over anyone or buy them a coat, simply dress as up in a Nazi uniform (any charity shop in waterloo should be able to help out with a bit of regalia) and say "tickets please" in a clear confident timbre. A few months of that will get you noticed.

Edited by smithdown

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No need to tip a hot beverage over anyone or buy them a coat, simply dress as up in a Nazi uniform (any charity shop in waterloo should be able to help out with a bit of regalia) and say "tickets please" in a clear confident timbre. A few months of that will get you noticed.

Would "Papers please" not be more in keeping with the gear?

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You need to know more about this girl in order to properly woo her. You need to know what food and drink she likes, her favourite tv shows and films, even her favourite colour.

 

Basically you need to buy a pair of night vision goggles, follow her home, and start going through her bins.

 

It worked for me and Eva Green.

Edited by stressederic

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I have an issue with people, possibly specifically women, doing talkie bits on songs. I'm looking at you Pink, Clarkson, Swift.

 

Fine, do it as an ad hoc improv on the occasional live version but not again and again and again in a booth for the recorded version. They're ruining some fine pop tunes with it.

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Just go over to her and tell her you want to skull f*** her. Usually works with me

 

Brave of you to admit that on a public forum mate ;-)

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