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By fans, for fans. By fans, for fans. By fans, for fans.

Wedding readings...


slapnuts

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As a couple, they've been through thick and thin...He's thick...

 

I'm very nervous and I've been told to imagine you are all naked. I hope you're sitting comfortably?

 

Get a few old door keys to hand out to females (make sure there's a very pregnant one) and one guy, then say "Now that xxxx is married, can all his ex's hand back his door key?" everyone will piss themselves as there's a queue of people file up, especially the guy at the end. Or the bride's mother or father, if they have a sense of humour of course? Or blokes file up with keys for the bride.

 

Stylish, good-looking, witty, popular, successful...Well, enough about me. Let's talk about this to$$er sitting beside me!

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My wife and i had someone read the Owl & the Pussycat.

 

The Owl and the Pussycat went to sea

In a beautiful pea-green boat,

They took some honey, and plenty of money,

Wrapped up in a five pound note.

The Owl looked up to the stars above,

And sang to a small guitar,

"O lovely Pussy! O Pussy, my love,

What a beautiful Pussy you are, you are, you are,

What a beautiful Pussy you are."

Pussy said to the Owl "You elegant fowl,

How charmingly sweet you sing.

O let us be married, too long we have tarried;

But what shall we do for a ring?"

They sailed away, for a year and a day,

To the land where the Bong-tree grows,

And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood

With a ring at the end of his nose, his nose, his nose,

With a ring at the end of his nose.

"Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling your ring?"

Said the Piggy, "I will"

So they took it away, and were married next day

By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince, and slices of quince,

Which they ate with a runcible spoon.

And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand.

They danced by the light of the moon, the moon, the moon,

They danced by the light of the moon.

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Apparently I Wanna Be Yours by Joh nCooper Clarke is quite popular at weddings these days.

 

I wished my mum stood up and read

 

"Like a nightclub in the morning, you're the bitter end............"

 

she actually read

 

When the one whose hand you're holding

Is the one one who holds your heart

When the one whose eyes you gaze into

Gives your hopes and dreams their start,

When the one you think of first and last

Is the one who holds you tight,

And the things you plan together

Make the whole world seem just right,

When the one whom you believe in

puts their faith and trust in you,

You've found the one and only love

You'll share your whole life through.

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Does anyone know of a good site to look at readings for a wedding.

 

Or even better has anyone got a good one that they have heard at a wedding?

 

Nothing religious....

 

Cheers

Someone read this at our wedding, from Capt Correlli

 

Love is a temporary madness;

it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.

And when it subsides you have to make a decision.

You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together

that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

Because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness,

it is not excitement,

it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.

That is just being "in love" which any fool can do.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,

and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.

Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,

and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,

they find that they are one tree and not two

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Try Without You by Adrian Henri. Some great lines, some really duff ones too, but you can leave them out. You could probably add one or two yourself to add a personal touch.

 

by Adrian Henri

 

Without you every morning would be like going back to work

after a holiday

Without you I couldnt stand the smell of the East Lancs Road.

Without you ghost ferries would cross the Mersey manned by

skeleton crews.

Without you Id probably feel happy and have no money

and time and nothing to do with it.

Without you Id have probably to leave my stillborn poems on others

peoples doorsteps, wrapped in brown paper.

Without you thered never be sauce to put on sausage butties,

Without you plastic flowers in shop windows would just be

plastic flowers in shop windows

Without you Id spend my summers picking morosely over the

remains of train crashes,

Without you white birds would wrench themselves free from

my paintings and fly off dripping blood into the night,

Without you green apples wouldnt taste greener,

Without you Mothers wouldnt let their children play out after

tea,

Without you every musician in the world would forget how to

play the blues,

Without you Public Houses would be public houses again,

Without you the Sunday Times colour supplement would

come out in black-and-white

Without you indifferent colonels would shrug their shoulders

and press the button

Without you theyd stop changing the flowers in Piccadilly

Gardens,

Without you Clark Kent would forget how to become

Superman,

Without you Sunshine Breakfast would only consist of

Cornflakes,

Without you thered be no colour in Magic colouring books

Without you Mahlers 8th would only be performed by street

musicians in derelict houses,

Without you theyd forget to put the salt in every packet of

crisps,

Without you it would be an offence punishable by a fine of up

to 200 or two months imprisonments to be found in

possession of curry powder,

Without you riot police are massing in quiet sidestreets,

Without you all streets would be one-way the other-way,

Without you thered be no one not to kiss goodnight when we

quarrel,

Without you the first martian to land would turn round and go

Away again,

Without you theyd forget to change the weather,

Without you blind men would sell unlucky heather,

Without you there would be

no landscape/no stations/no houses,

no chipshops/no quiet villages/no seagulls

on beaches/no hopscotch on pavements/no

night/no morning/thered be no city no country

Without you.

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